Confessions of a Discouraged Christian

Modern Christianity has completely lost its appeal. I don’t mean to say that Christ has lost his appeal, but rather that Christianity as a movement, or fad, or culture has. I don’t really know when this happened. Christianity used to be about having a personal relationship with Christ, but now it seems to be more about fitting into a particular culture, about conforming to a prescribed Christian culture rather than conforming to Christ himself. Someone please tell me, when did worshipping God become solely a musical preference? And when did the measure of spiritual maturity become determined by how many Christian books you’ve read or whether or not you’re on stage? Worse still, when did Christianity become just another advertisement, a label that I can somehow buy for myself if I just listen to the right music, read the right books, or say the right words?

Most of the time when I go to church, or even take the time to watch church services online or on tv, I feel like I’m going to a concert or watching a performance. Fancy lights, cool bands, and projector screens fill the stage area as hundreds of people passively sit by. I can’t help but wonder how many people would be there if we did not have such things. If we had no building to meet in, no Christian books to read, no Christian CDs to buy, no family festivals or youth group outings…if it were just the body of Christ, the Word of God, and Christ Himself…how many of us would take the time to meet? The fact is that materialism has the church in its grips. Yes, materialism is still materialism even when what you’re acquiring is “Christian.”

I’m not here to say that any of these things in themselves are wrong. On the contrary, they’re not at all. I’m just here to say that we must examine our minds and hearts and observe whether or not such a mentality has taken its hold of us. Are we following the Jesus of the Bible or are we following a Christian culture substitute? Are our church numbers growing because we’re reaching out with the Gospel or because we’re merely bringing in more like-minded people from other churches? Where is our money going? Where is our church money going? Are we buying what is necessary? Does what we are spending money on serve even the tiniest purpose to further the Gospel? Are we ourselves intentionally giving our time and money to the church or are we just another one of the Sunday masses? I ask these questions not to judge, but with a heavy and convicted heart, because I too have fallen prey to the trappings of materialism, selfishness, and the general desire to be a “cool” Christian. I see this in the young and old in the church, and I see this in myself.

It is my hope and prayer that we will no longer settle for mere books about Jesus, sermons about Jesus, or music about Jesus, but only for Jesus himself. I pray that we make room for the working of the Holy Spirit in our hearts and in our churches, letting him lead us rather than trying to lead Him with our prescribed songs, sermons, and routines. The church is dying, and giving the church a new hip Christian image is not what is going to bring it back to life, but rather a dedication to the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the workings of the Holy Spirit in our lives. If you believe that anything other than this will ignite passion in the hearts of the people, then you have been deceived, because apart from Christ our efforts are useless.

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." (John 15:5)

Don't you think its time we stopped worshipping the fruit or branches and started worshiping the vine who has given them to us?

Music Monday!

Wow, I can't believe I completely forgot about both Music Monday AND Thankful Thursday last week. Things have been so busy lately what with the holidays fast approaching. I've been doing a lot of Christmas shopping over the past couple weeks and am pleased to announce that I'm OFFICIALLY done! I'm never done this early. Never. Let's just say that I owe a big thank you to Mr. Internet for helping me out this year. I've been busy with tons of holiday parties too, and I have to admit that I'm a bit partied out. Being blessed with the presence of a cold this past week hasn't helped much in that department either, so I ended up having to skip a couple parties to get some much needed rest. Pretty sure I was in bed at 7 p.m. on Thursday...ha. I guess I have to store up on sleep anyways though since once all the family arrives I won't be seeing my bed until about 7 a.m. most nights. :-) I'll try and post pictures soon from all of this month's festivities. I would post them now, but alas, I'm on my lunch break at work and don't have them with me. Until then, I'll leave you with these lovely music videos:

For this video "From Your Mouth" by God Breathes Underwater, all they did was tape a world eating champion eat different foods, then played it in reverse. So simple yet so creative!



And well, I couldn't resist posting this vid. I suppose you could call it "creative," but to be more accurate I would probably place it in the "worst music videos ever" category. It's so bad it's funny. I watch and I myself feel embarassed for David Hasselhoff. Amazingly enough, though, this was a HUGE hit in Germany. I can't help but think less of all Germans for it...

Tiffany's Totally Teriffic Online Holiday Gift Guide

Normally I would be writing a Thankful Thursday post, but today I've decided to do something a little different. Instead I've created this super awesome gift guide to help those who still need to do their Christmas shopping, but don't necessarily want to tackle the crowds in order to do so. I'm one of those people who doesn't particularly enjoy shopping. I can handle a little bit of clothes shopping if I'm having one of those energy-filled-I-feel-super-skinny-and-I'm-loving-all-these-clothes days, but for the most part I would rather just buy from the comfort of my own living room, especially when it comes to Christmas shopping. I love giving gifts and I love putting a lot of thought into them, and I find that the Internet gives me tons more options than your average chain store, plus I can find completely unique ideas. One of my favorite things about Christmas is being able to give gifts that people would never break down and buy for themselves, not necessarily because they're expensive, but rather because they're deemed unnecessary or impractical. So without further adieu, here's some really fun Christmas gift ideas that maybe you'll be able to splurge on someone else for, just to show your thankfulness for them (See, I'm still sticking with the Thankful Thursday theme!) and express how much they mean to you.

1. T-shirts

These are one of my favorite gifts to give, just because they're so customizeable. For example, is your b.f.f. a huge Muppets fan? Then get her this t-shirt from Busted Tees.

Does your boyfriend love cats AND lasers? Then give him the best of both worlds with this t-shirt from Threadless that's guaranteed to make him appear both nerdy and cool at the SAME time! Who knew it was even possible!? (P.S. I couldn't pass this one up even for myself...)

2. Silly Toys

My favorite latest web discoveries are these silly action figures from Accoutrements. They're the perfect gift for fellow spinsters, librarians, musicians, historians, psychologists, and the like! Action figure options include: crazy cat lady, lunch lady, waitress, librarian, Alexander the Great, Anne Bonny, Annie Oakley, Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, Wagner, Benjamin Franklin, Blackbeard, Casanova, Marie Antoinette (now includes a head!), Charles Dickens, Jane Austen, Oscar Wilde, Sherlock Holmes, Jesus, Moses, Houdini, J.P. Patches, Seth Godin Marketing Guru, and Sigmund Freud.

3. Practical Peteys
Sometimes the best kind of gift is the one that people will actually use, but if you're going to give something practical you might as well spice it up a little, right?

For example, these uni-corn holders from Gama-Go or these super cute Matryoshka measuring cups from Fred are a great option for those trying to add a little fun to their dinner.

Or for the guy in your life, one of these tear-resistant, water-resistant, expandable, recyclable, and best of all affordable wallets from Dynomighty. My brother absolutely loves these things, and the designs are so fun. Yes, there are even a couple Star Trek designs. You know you've got a winner when Star Trek is an option. :-)

4. Books

No one is ever too old or too young to love a good book. Books are always a great gift idea for the avid readers in your life. Even for those who aren't avid readers, something like a unique coffee table book, comic book, or craft book can still light up their eyes instead of shroud them in disappointment if you choose the right one. Check out these great book titles for a starting point on what the perfect book could be.

5. The Gift That Keeps On Giving

If you just want to give a gift that's, well, AWESOME, then sign someone up for the Stunner of the Month Club. You can give 3 month, 6 month, or 12 month subscriptions, and each month they'll receive a crazy new pair of sunglasses that is sure to stun. And for people like me who pretty much lose a pair of sunglasses on a monthly basis, it's perfection.

6. Handmade Handicrafts

Nothing is more unique than a handmade gift. If you're a crafter, make someone a special scrapbook, knit or crochet something like a hat and matching scarf, or build someone a book shelf. Whatever your trade is, Christmas is the perfect opportunity to put some extra thought and effort into a gift for that special someone, and of course a great opportunity to show off your sweet skills. ;-) If you're not a crafter, then check out Etsy. You may not have made it yourself, but everything is still handmade and totally unique. Here are some of my Etsy faves: (Bearded hat from BreannaGunderson, necklace from Nest Pretty Things, owl hat from The Fuzzy Noggin, stationery sets from Draw! Pilgrim, bookends and bookshelf from Graphic Spaces, and scarflet from Francine Toukou.)

And there ya have it, my top picks for gift giving this year. I should pretty much be getting paid for this. I'm pretty sure this whole post was just one giant advertisement, but I really do LOVE all of these websites and would recommend browsing them for even more gift ideas. They seriously won't disappoint. :-) And finally, I have to give two very important tips before you go off on your Internet shopping spree. First, ALWAYS check Amazon or E-bay to see if you can get the item for less, especially if you're shopping for books or novelty gifts. Second, don't forget to search for coupon codes! Either google it or search the company you're ordering from at Retail Me Not. Believe me, a little savings can go a long way! And that's all I've got for you, so good luck, my friends. May God go with you. :-)

Music Monday!

Ah, another Music Monday. Something for me to actually look forward to, as I typically tend to dread Mondays. So in order to make my Monday slightly more bearable, and hopefully yours for that matter too, here are two of my selections for this week's Music Monday:

First off, "Since I Left You" by The Avanlanches. Oh. My. Dad. This music video is fantastic. Just watch and you'll see why...:-)



And next up, "Undercover Martyn" by Two Door Cinema Club. This is definitely my new fave band. You should go here and listen to their album Tourist History. I've had it on repeat for the past several weeks. There really aren't many instances where I can listen to the WHOLE album over and over again, but this is one of them. (Others may or many not include N'Sync's Christmas album, Muse's "The Resistance," Casting Crowns' "Lifesong," Switchfoot's "The Beautiful Letdown," and any Disney/Broadway soundtrack) Seriously, this album is catchy. :-) I was stoked to find out they were coming to tour the U.S., and then was quickly let down when I saw they're only hitting the east coast. That's a no-go for me. *Sigh.* But perhaps someday...someday. In the meantime, I hope you like them!

Thankful Thursday!

Well, the time has come. It's Thankful Thursday. I'm not gonna lie, it's been a little bit of a rough week and it's a little more difficult today to think of things to be thankful about, but I'm sure once I start writing things will pop into my mind. God's blessed me so much, I don't think it's even possible for me to exhaust that list. So here it is, the things I'm thankful for this week...

1. Paper Snowflakes. I cut out a ton of awesome patterns from this site yesterday to hang on my office door. It reminded me of my glorious college days when I cut them out and anonymously sent them to guys on campus that I thought were cute. Ha. Nerdy much? Unfortunately, this joyous craft also managed to bruise the knuckle on my middle finger. Paper snowflakes are dangerous business, folks. Just leave it to me to get injured doing something so completely lame and UNdangerous.

2. Family. Thanksgiving was really awesome, and I got to spend lots of time with the Ulrich side of my family. We had dinner together every night, went to movies, played games, and shared lots of laughs together. I can't wait to see them all again at Christmas, and I'm looking forward to our time together lasting more than just a few days this time.

3. Netflix. My latest obsession? Eureka! It's just some cheesy sci-fi channel show about a town full of geniuses working on classified government projects. Every episode is pretty much the same: Mysterious disaster strikes, unintelligent sheriff solves mystery with help of friends, disaster reaches critical zone, geniuses must work together to save everyone's life...you get the picture. I think I just really love all the characters. You should check it out if you can. :-)

4. Harry Potter. Yes, I went to the midnight premiere of HP7. Yes, I dressed up. And yes I've already seen it twice. See, I have photographic evidence. :-)

5. Tiger. My cat. We've begun a tradition of cheesy Christmas cards in which dressing him up is a necessity. I don't want to give away what this year's theme is yet, but let's just say he's an incredibly patient cat...and to be honest a little bit dumb too. I simply can not wait to send out this year's card. It's epic.

6. Houndstooth. I am so obsessed with this pattern. Every time I see it, my eyes light up as if I've just discovered some long, lost hidden treasure. Things of a houndstooth nature that I've acquired thus far: Sweater, jacket, flats, rainboots, 2 decks of cards, hat, scarf, travel mug, storage tin, notecards, earrings, a necklace, and a konad plate that let's me stamp the pattern onto my fingernails. This is really getting out of hand...

7. Troll 2. The best, worst movie ever. There's even a documentary about how awful it is. This movie doesn't even have anything to do with the first Troll movie. In fact, there aren't even trolls in it. They're goblins. They're vegetarian goblins, who feed people green food to turn them into vegetables...and then they eat them. Why that doesn't count as carniverous I'll never know. And why they don't just grow a garden I'll never know either. What I do know, though, is that you should gather some friends and have a Troll 2 party. You will laugh your heads off.

8. Monday night basketball. I play with some friends at the church just around the corner from my house, and we always grab some half-price appetizers at Applebee's afterwards. It actually makes Mondays a good day for me, something that has previously never occurred in my short existence here on earth. No, I don't have mad basketball skills, but they still actually pass the ball to me...which is typically a rare thing when playing with guys. Plus, it gives me a good workout, which is something that's always much needed, especially around this time of year.

9. The International Children's Digital Library. It's just incredible. It's a massive collection of children's books from around the world scanned into digital formats. You can search by country, subject, author, language, character type, story type, age range, and even the color of the book cover! It's legit. You should check it out.

10. And last, but certainly not least. In fact, most of all, I'm thankful for Jesus this week. Because I am a damsel in distress, and he continually fights for me. He has saved me from the dragon, the evil sorceress, the poisonous apple, from every evil power there is. He is the prince I've always longed for, the man of my dreams.

Music Monday

Because I love music so much, I think I'll start my very own Music Monday. I'll attempt to keep up with it, although we all know how consistent I've been with Thankful Thursdays...:-/

So without further adieu, I give you...

70 Million by Hold Your Horses. This is seriously one of the most creative music videos I've ever seen. Yes, I do indeed hold this video on the same level as O.K. Go...so that's sayin' a lot. :-)



And...how can I forget this great video for Broken Heart by Motion City Soundtrack? There's just something about a guy dressed up as a giant human heart that really makes me giggle. It's so nerdy that I can't help but love it. :-)



Broken Heart (Clean Version) @ Yahoo! Video

P.S. How do you like my new festive layout? I can't believe it's only 3 weeks till Christmas!

A Sad Day for Metro East...

This weekend was a sad one for my church family at Metro East. One of our associate pastors, Doug Holt, died in a motorcycle accident on Saturday afternoon. I hurt so deeply for his family. They've already endured so much hardship in their lives, and they've already had such a hard year with their youngest daughter Ashlea being diagnosed with POTS, a disease that causes her constant, intense pain. For them to now lose their husband and father is just heartbreaking.

The church service yesterday could not have been sadder---not everyone had even heard the news. Everywhere you looked were tears. People were hugging and crying and dabbing at their eyes with kleenexes. It was heartbreaking, yet I am so thankful that we could all just come and grieve together. He was well loved.

If you knew Doug, then you know that the world lost a wonderful man, but you also know that heaven gained one. Doug never, ever failed to make me smile. He was a complete goofball, a prankster, and utterly joyful. He always went out of his way to make people feel loved and appreciated. He loved Jesus and he loved people, and he loved them deeply. It never failed to amaze me how easily he could relate to anyone in any stage of life. Adults, teens, children, the rich, the poor, the joyful, the heartbroken. No matter who they were, he always met them at their level. You should have seen him working with the kids in Chicago. They LOVED him, and they knew that he loved them right back. They only knew him for a week, and yet they too would be heartbroken to hear the news.

A lot of times you read something like this after someone has died, and you think, "I wonder what that person was really like," because people only talk about the good things when someone is gone. But this was truly Doug. I could just as easily say these things about him were he still alive today, were he standing right in front of me. He was genuine, so genuine that he would not hesitate to speak of his own failings to you, were it only to show you that he was a sinner saved by grace, and with the hope that you too would know that same grace. He preached the Gospel. He shared the Gospel. And he lived the Gospel. And a lot of people are missing him today.

We miss you, Dougie Fresh!


Please pray for the Holt family: Gayla and their daughters (as pictured) Ashlea, Lynsie, and Kaley. Pray...

1. That they will be comforted.
2. That they will turn towards God rather than away, a temptation that is always hard to fight when you've lost someone so dear to you.
3. That God will reveal to them the many ways in which He is undoubtedly working for good through this, even though it's hard for any of us to see right now.
4. That they will allow themselves to be weak, vulnerable, and to grieve, and that their family and friends will help lovingly carry them in their times of weakness.
5. That they will not be bombarded by people trying to help, but instead spend this time with the family and friends they are closest to.
6. That God will provide the expenses that are needed at this time.
7. That God will be glorified in this.

OK Go...Will One Of You Please Marry Me?

For those of you who don't know, I really LOVE music. Lately I've been on a music video kick and excitedly discovered that OK Go has a new[ish] video out, and I thought I'd share it with the world, because the world NEEDS Ok Go. These guys have the most creative music videos. They've seriously raised the bar. So much, that unless a music video has an incredible story line or involves nerdy guys doing nerdy things such as choreographing their own dance moves, I go thoroughly unimpressed. There's nothing I hate more than a stereotypical music video - hot girls, glamorous shots of band playing, ridiculous amount of lights. It's all been done a million times before, which is why these guys are so incredibly refreshing! So without further adieu, here's their next-to-latest vid!



And because I love them so much and can't share just ONE video...here's the first video ever made. Do you understand why I love them so much?



And here's yet another epic video. I would share the entire YouTube channel on here if I could.



And last but not least, one of the most impressive things I've ever seen pulled off. You HAVE to watch this!



Head on over to their YouTube channel to watch the rest of their vids, including their BRAND NEW video for "Last Leaf," which is entirely animated upon a piece of toast. Yup, I pretty much love them, and would gladly marry any one of them. Enjoy!

You Are Not Your Own. You Were Bought At A Price.

We often hear of stories in which someone who is dying comes to accept that they are "no longer in control of their life." Perhaps they are battling cancer or suffering the effects of a lifetime of bad choices, or perhaps they merely come to such a conclusion because they recently lost someone close to them or their life has suddenly spiraled out of control. No matter what the circumstances, those who come into contact with the reality of death all come to the same conclusion: you are not in control. We can all relate to such a realization at some point or another in our lives, yet we must ask ourselves why on earth it takes so many of us until we are staring death in the face to realize that we are powerless. We thought we were the ruler of our own lives, but we couldn't be more wrong.

If there is anything in this life that is certain, it is death. From the moment we are born we are slowly dying---growing older with age, maturing, and preparing ourselves for that imminent moment in which we must be held accountable for the life which we have lived. We all know that we cannot escape it, yet most of us spend our lives trying to avoid it. We try to push it out of our minds as if death does not exist, yet it is always looming, lurking around every corner. We could die at any moment. Heart attack, car wreck, cancer---the possibilities are endless. When death is finally near, we fight for our lives, yet the majority of our lives are spent living as if we didn’t care if we died at all.

Perhaps it is only through the realization that we are dying that any of us can ever truly understand that it is not us, but rather God, who is in control of our lives. It’s funny how often we talk about “giving God control of our lives” in Christian circles, as though at some point we somehow took it from Him. In reality, we never had it in the first place. We were brought into the world as entirely dependent creatures and we will die as entirely dependent creatures. From the moment we were born our lives were in the hands of someone else. As newborns we could not sit up on our own, we could not control our bodily functions, we could not even speak for ourselves. All we could do is trust that someone would care for us and humbly cry out for help in our time of need. Are we really so different now? We’d like to think that we are, but we could lose all such privileges at any given moment. Some of us may even know someone who actually has lost such privileges, such basic functions as the ability to move their limbs, to remember where they were five minutes ago, or to utter a coherent sentence. And yet, we still can’t fathom that such a thing could ever happen to us. They may no longer have control, but we still do. Right?

We are so often fooled into believing that we are in control because of the simple decisions we make---where to live, when to wake up in the morning, what to wear, where to work---that we forget that even the ability to make a decision is a gift given to us by God. Every second I make a decision to breathe in and breathe out. Every second I make a decision to live on, yet is it I who creates the very breath I am taking? When my body begins to fail, can I renew it? Can I cause my own heart to pump blood through my veins? Can I cause my lungs to deliver air to my suffocating body? No. All I can do is surrender to the fact that I breathe only because each breath is given to me. My body is not my own. My life is not my own. I am not in control of anything at all, but merely a vessel which God has given the gift of life. He is the potter, I am the clay. No matter what shape I take, I am still the clay. I cannot form myself out of the mire. I cannot carve intricate patterns into my delicate being. All I can do is say, “Here I am, Lord. Take me” and recognize the reality that were He to remove His hand from me for even one second as my life spins on, I would crumble.

If you are to take anything out of this post at all, let it be this: You are not your own. You were bought at a price. Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. (1 Corinthians 6: 19-20) He has carefully and intricately created you to be not even a vase or a jar, but a temple. Do not be deceived and live your live as though you are an ashtray. Do not forget the price that was paid on the cross so that you would no longer have to be an ashtray. And do not for one second forget that you are the created, not the creator.

Halloween!

I've always loved Halloween, but unfortunately most of my youth was spent in sub-par costumes that were so pathetic my parents didn't even bother to document them. If you'll observe the picture below, you'll see me dressed as She-Ra (from the He-Man cartoon series) and David as the karate kid. This is probably the most my parents ever spent on a costume for us. In later years I would be a cat not once, but twice, meaning that we merely paired ears and a tail with a sweatsuit. I would also use my mom's nightgown as a wedding dress another year, borrow my neighbor's cheerleading uniform still another year, and stuff a homemade pumpkin outfit my mom got for free at an estate sale with newspaper another year. Clearly my parents have never been as enthusiastic about Halloween as I am.


This year, however, I set out on an adventure to make my very own super awesome costume, that would be sure to put all others to shame. I've wanted to make this costume ALL year, ever since I read on My Life Is Average that someone else had done it. With the help of a couple dear friends, as well as my mom and step-dad, I was able to accomplish my dream of being the house from "Up" this Halloween.
Here are my good friend, Denton, and my mom working away. We made the frame from cardboard, then used popsicle sticks for siding and shingling, until we discovered the glorious power of FOAM. If you ever want to make this costume, please take my advice - ditch the popsicle sticks and just cut foam into strips! You'll save so much time!

And here's the finished project! The colors aren't actually right, but we had to improvise. I'm pretty sure it's still awesome anyways. I added the special touch of putting the characters in the windows.
We used my dad's rainbow suspenders to hold the house up. Denton had to try them on himself. I caption this picture as "Hey there kids...why don't you come on down to my basement for some candy." (*sidenote: This guy spent his ENTIRE weekend helping me build this. I seriously couldn't have done it without him. He's so amazing he should pretty much be a saint. Just sayin')
And here he is enjoying my Mom's shakeweight. If you haven't seen those commercials...well, don't. They're so wrong.
Voila! The finished product! And I might add that I actually won a costume contest!
Denton unenthusiastically poses for a picture to display our glorious work of art.
Some other friends who participated in the contest. Hobbits!
Wayne & Garth!
Wayne and Garth using Ariel's dinglehopper to devour Flounder. Mmm...
All in all, it was a delightful halloween...well, except for the fact that I was sick all weekend and didn't actually get any rest because I stayed up late working on the house. But that house is my pride and joy, and I seriously felt like I was reliving my childhood when I won that contest. I'm such a nerd...I know...and now I can't wait to make something for next year!

Thankful Thursday!

Ah yes, from this day forward, all Thursdays shall be dedicated to giving thanks. Mostly because it's easier for me to sit down and make lists of things than to write about an actual topic or post pictures. I dream of writing such posts, but alas, I'm a busy girl these days. So without further adieu, may I present to you things for which I am thankful today...

1. Youth group kids. Seriously, I love them all. Every single one. Most of the time I wish I could be in ten places at once so I could get to know every one of them better, and hang out with them, and speak truth into their lives. But alas, I am only one person. God isn't going to use just me to impact their lives, and it's not up to just me to do so...thankfully. With or without me, God is working in their lives for good. But I am ever so thankful for the times when He does choose to use me!

2. I mentioned this last time...but my office plant, Francesca. Her sprouts are growing strong and healthy. She's flourishing! And even cooler, she surprised me with mushrooms over the weekend! I have no idea where on earth they came from, but it was a pleasant surprise for a Monday morning. I'm secretly hoping for more, as they've already withered and died. Is it weird that I get such thrills from watching a plant grow?

3. Beth Moore. I've been reading "So Long Insecurity" lately and it's been an amazing journey thus far. I already knew I was insecure in several areas, but I didn't quite realize the massive extent of them. Most of the time it's embarassing, the thing's that I'm insecure about, and even more so the way I act because of them, but God's used many situations lately to show me the areas that need to be taken care of, and with His help they shall be defeated once and for all!

4. Motion City Soundtrack. I don't know why, but I've been really into them lately. They just make me smile. :-)

5. Restored friendships. A friend and I recently had a bit of a squabble, but things are sorted out now and I'm ever so thankful for that. And I'm thankful that he (and most of my friends, really) is a forgiving person. And I'm thankful that God gives me the strength to forgive, because it's so hard to do when you've been hurt. I'm slowly but surely learning just to love people as they are, to encourage rather than try to "fix" them, and let me tell you, it's a lesson that's hard to learn, and it's been quite painful on the journey. Someday...someday I will finally get it.

6. My dad. We just had the most delightful conversation the other night. We talked for hours, and he really encouraged me and brought understanding into areas of my life that I was nearly on the verge of giving up on.

7. My guitar came!!!!! And she's even more beautiful than I imagined! Now I just need to name her...

8. "Easy A." I've already seen it twice. I wasn't so sure about it, but man is it witty. And even though it portrays Christians as complete nutjobs...it was still hilarious. I would highly recommend it...for an adult audience though, of course. One of my favorite lines: "I don't know what your generation's fascination is with documenting your every thought...but I can assure you, they're not all diamonds. 'Roman is having an o.k. day and bought a Coke Zero at the gas station. Raise the roof.' Who gives a rat's a**?" Funny how that's my favorite line...and I'm blogging about it.

9. Men. Sometimes I love 'em, sometimes I hate 'em. But I'm thankful for them nonetheless.

10. And last, but certainly not least: Children's books. Particularly Scaredy Squirrel, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Walter the Farting Dog, ABC Kitty, The Butt Book, and The Secret Keeper. If you have children, then you should be reading these books to them. They're amazing. If you don't have children, then you should also be reading them. Because they're still awesome. :-D

And now, because no blog post of a spinster is complete without a picture of a cat...I give you lolcats.

Splurge!

I have a confession to make.

I just completely splurged.

On this...

Isn't she just beautiful? I don't quite know what I'll name her yet (I'm open to suggestions!), but I'm so excited to get her in the mail. Some of you are probably surprised that I didn't go for this...

I am too. Pink...sparkly...how exactly did I pass this up? It's even cheaper! But alas...my heart was continually drawn towards the sparkly purple. I like the body design better, plus it's called the "Tom Boy." It seems to fit me...and if I had a hot pink sparkly guitar, I'd feel a bit of a poser. I don't have the skills to own up to that baby just yet. ;-)

These next 7 days will be a little bit of torture...the anticipation is already killing me!

I've been dreaming of an electric guitar for a couple years now, but seeing as how my finances have gone to tuition for the past six years of my life I couldn't quite bring myself to buy one. I found a great deal on e-bay, though, so I just couldn't pass this one up when I saw it.

Now don't go thinking that because I bought an electric guitar I'm actually good at guitar. Quite the contrary, actually. I have taken lessons. All of my 8th grade year and a semester of my senior year in college were devoted to lessons, so I've got basic training, but my excitement for the guitar always waned due to the fact that I was forced to play songs like "Over the Rainbow" and "Holy, Holy, Holy." I know, I know. Who wouldn't want to rock out to that, right? Also, the fact that the only guitar I own is an acoustic I purchased at a garage sale for ten dollars has not helped to spur me on to greater things. This guitar is so crappy that it would make Jimi Hendrix sound like an amateur. The neck is slightly bent, so the actual strings are about a mile away from the fretboard, meaning that my fingers must endure 20 times the pain than that of the average guitar player. And after all that pain...it doesn't even sound good. I always remain convinced that I completely and hopelessly suck until I pick up an actual decent guitar, and am in shock at the fact that my playing is not drowned out by an incessant rattling noise, but does indeed slightly sound like music. Who knew?

And so my mind is filled with dreams of Ozzy, Jimi, Zeppelin, Metallica, Kansas, Boston, and the like...I WILL master "Crazy Train." I will, I tell you. And hey, if I get REALLY good (and if I can afford it), maybe I can own one of these beauties...

(Just look at that sparkly white and filigree neck design...It's gorgeous!)

P.S. You should check out their online catalog here. The company is called Daisy Rock, and it's strictly guitars for GIRLS. Finally, guitars that don't require me to have man hands! Their designs are smaller, they're lighter weight, and the frets are closer together. Sounds like guitar heaven to me. :-)

Happy guitar dreams to all of you. And if any of you want to start a band some day, let me know. We can call ourselves the "Spinsters of Death"...or perhaps the "Flaming Bagladies." Hehe.

Dental Woes

For those of you who know me, you know that I would rather be locked in a room of hungry, rabid squirrels while wearing walnut-scented perfume than go to the dentist. I. Hate. It. And not only do I have to go twice a year for routine check-ups, but I of course end up having an average of 2-3 cavities every single year that I have to go back for. At least when I was a kid I got a special prize from the treasure chest after the appointment was over, but now all I ever get is bleeding gums, a sore mouth, and a bill.

As you can probably guess by the fact that this post even exists, today I had to make yet another visit to the dentist. This time for three, yes THREE fillings. I had two cavities and a chipped tooth. Who knows how that even happened? The funny thing is, I never actually even know that I have cavities. They don't ever hurt. They're not even sensitive. The only times I have ever full-on known that my next dental check-up would bring about another for a filling was a) when a previous filling fell out and I had what seemed like the grand canyon between my back two molars and b) when I could pull an entire kernel of corn out of the crater that took up residence on yet another back molar (the aforementioned chipped tooth, in this case). I'm convinced that all other times, however, I have never actually had a cavity. They just want to suck me dry with their expensive fees, and because I know absolutely nothing about dentistry, they know they can get away with it. Curse you, evil dentist! Curse you!

I have gone to the same dentist my entire life and he still scares me. It's not his fault, though. It's nothing personal. It's just that, well, when you have twenty+ years of associating the dentist with pain and discomfort, you're naturally going to not like your dentist. And when the only time you ever see him is when you're high on laughing gas and he's staring at you with his bulging magnified eyes as he pokes around and drills inside your mouth, well, I'd say the anxiety is probably legitimate. The only possible compassion I could have on him is because of the following scenario.

Me:Gag

Dentist in the middle of drilling: Heh.

Me: Gag again.

Dentist to assistant: Watch that suction. I think you've got it too far back in her throat. She's gagging.

Me: Gag. Gag. Gag. Sit up in the middle of drilling. Throw up in sink next to me.

Dentist. Uh, let's go ahead and turn that laughing gas off now.

Yeah. Like I've stressed, the dentist office is never happy fun time for me. Even the laughing gas fails when you've had too much and throw up in the middle of your appointment. Awesome.

Anyways, today's lovely appointment lasted a full hour. The appointment was at 9, and 5 hours later I'm finally beginning to get the feeling back in my face. Have you ever tried to put lip gloss on when you can't feel your upper lip? Hilarious! But I warn you not to try it without a mirror. The mirror is essential, ladies. Also of great entertainment are trying to scrunch your nose, smile, drink water, and eat a banana. Oh, and whatever you do, make sure you don't ever talk to a cute guy after a dental appointment. When you smile, you look like a drooling infant...and you don't even realize it. You should really just avoid all male contact until you have feeling back. Trust me on this.

Okay, so I think I'm FINALLY done ranting and raving about the dentist. Thanks for enduring to the end...if you did indeed accomplish such a feat. And if you did in fact read this, I shall now reward you with a link to a delightful sketch from the Carol Burnett Show.

Give Thanks

I'm still terrible at this blogging thing, but I'm doing my best here. How on earth do people keep up with these things?

Ah well, some day. Some day. Today, however, I've decided to take the opportunity to use this blog as a way to give thanks to God. It's so easy to focus on the trials in my life, to lose sight of all that God is doing and has done, but today I just want to take time to list some of the things that I'm thankful for. And believe me, there are many things to give thanks for.

So, in no particular order, here's what I'm thankful for today:

1. My office plant Francesca, because no matter how many times I neglect her, she still thrives. She even has seedlings!

2. My amazing bosses, Deb and Jim. They're so flexible and patient with me, and are just a joy to work for.

3. Audio books, and their ability to get me caught up on reading while I work at my desk. If it weren't for this site, I wouldn't have discovered the young adult genre, and probably wouldn't have discovered my desire to be a youth services librarian (*fingers crossed*). AND I never would have gotten around to reading Les Miserable and The Count of Monte Cristo. Their length always intimidated me, but now they've become two of my absolute favorite books!

4. My two best friends Josie Marie and Rachel Anne. Life always seems to separate us somehow, but it also always brings us back together somehow. I'm looking forward to being friends with these girls for a lifetime, and can't wait for our future B.F.F. road trips, getting to become "Auntie Tiff" to their future children, and of course drooling and knitting together when we someday share nursing homes. :-)

5. Little answers to prayer. Like when you're visiting a college & career group for the first time, are incredibly nervous and praying that someone will at least talk to you, and as soon as you pull into the parking lot, Amy Schmidt from Tabor (who is also visiting for the first time) pulls into the space right next to you. Yay God! Yay Amy!

6. The Prince of Egypt soundtrack. Need I say more?

7. My incredibly giving, unselfish, patient, kind, loving, and supportive parents (That includes you, step-Dan! :-D). I don't think I even need to say more than that. They're just wonderful.

8. A brother who seeks God in times of great trial, and who leads by example of what it means to follow Christ. I'm not gonna lie, his life totally sucks right now, but God has done GREAT things in him and through him these past few months, and I'm so proud of the godly man he's become because of these hard times.

9. Hot morning showers---because I get one every day and many around the world don't. It's just one of those blessings that I always take for granted.

10. Living in a state that has sunny blue skies followed by torrential rain, hail, and tornado warnings in the SAME day. Kansas weather is AWESOME.

And there it is. Today's list. I think I'll keep this PTL (Praise the Lord) list up. It makes me smile. I already feel ten times more joyful and optimistic than I did a mere hour ago! Anyways, I shall now end this post, and what better way to end it than with some super awesome Bible verses? Behold...

Ephesians 5: 18b-20

"Instead, be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with Psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."

1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

1 Corinthians 15: 56-57

"The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ!"

And now...because posts are better with a picture...a picture of the day from icanhascheezburger.

Once Upon A Time...

Once upon a time, I started a blog. I really did intend to keep up with this blog, but alas, life got overwhelming and this poor blog became neglected for several months. But the time has come to begin anew, and from henceforth I shall do my best to try to keep up and even make my life seem a little interesting. :-)

This summer was absolutely CRAZY, but I'm so thankful for all of the awesome opportunities I've had. I've been working full-time, going to school for my Master's, AND I took on an internship with the youth group at my church. Not gonna lie, it was a bit stressful, but soooo worth it! Now that the Summer has come to an end, my internship is over and (insert celebratory trumpet sound) I've FINALLY graduated with my Masters!!!! Oh happy day, I never have to go back to school again! The feeling is incredible, although I have to admit, it still hasn't quite sunk in yet. Now all I have to do is find my perfect job...

On to my FAVORITE part of the Summer...youth group! It really is better the second time around. :-) I absolutely LOVE working with all these kids. They're incredible, and often teach me far more than I teach them. God has seriously been so good to me giving me such an opportunity to get plugged in in this way, and now I don't think I can possibly ever go to a church without serving in such a capacity. We've already made such wonderful memories together, but instead of boring you by typing it out, I'll go ahead and post some pictures. Prepare for youth group awesomeness!

I got to know all these wonderful girls on our missions trip to Chicago. They are each so uniquely gifted and it was awesome to see all of those gifts be used during our time there. Love these girls!

We all also got to know all of these wonderful kids during our time there. We spent the entire week doing VBS at a local homeless shelter. After we left, new groups came in every week and continued running it all summer long. I'm hoping and praying that these kids come to know and understand the love of Christ, and I'm so thankful that God used us to bring the message of the Gospel to them!
The last couple of days we decided to dance during rec time. I am STILL bummed I missed this (I was teaching missions during the time). Here the kids are teaching the girls to two-step. So fun!

I might just have to have a separate Chicago post. There are so many pictures and so many stories to tell! So I'll move on...to the lock-in! We began by playing a rousing game of Eat That Food.

Here's my really really ridiculously good looking cousin, Calvin, demonstrating the size of the GINORMOUS crickets that they had to eat. Don't worry...only one actually ate it. Calvin did at least eat a leg, though.And here's Fawver nearly losing it after eating who knows what. Crab chips? Dried anchovies? We pretty much played dodgeball for the rest of the night. It seriously didn't get old. I love this game.

Next up...Junior/Senior retreat in Kansas City. Not many came, but me and these two lovely ladies had an absolute blast! And we of course couldn't go to KC without having some delicious barbecue. Thanks Jessica, for sniping such a lovely picture of your brother. :-)

There's more to come, but I think this is already a lengthy enough post. Plus, it's getting pretty annoying having to drag each individual picture from the very top to very bottom. There's GOT to be a simpler way to do this! And here I thought I was becoming techie...

Love Is A Choice

If there's anything I've learned these past few months, through all the trials and heartache I've both experienced and witnessed, it's simply that you can't make someone love you. All of your efforts, whether they are of purest intentions or laced with manipulation, can not sway an unchangeable heart. You can try to cling with all your might to the one you love, only to find them pulling even further away, or you can back off hoping they will freely make a choice only to find that your absence has only led them to a choice without you in it. I always believed that of all things, commitment would guarantee love. Yet it turns out that even commitment is often nothing more than an empty promise. It is still unfathomable to me how one can stand before God, family, friends, and the beloved one they are about to marry, speaking the words "for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, til death do us part" only to turn and run when things start to difficult, when they find that they must not only put away selfishness but also allow their heart to be forever and continually changed.

So many times I find myself saying "you fool." How could you treat someone who so selflessly loves you, who relentlessly pursues you, encourages you, and cares so genuinely for not just your heart, mind, or body, but even your very soul...how could you treat them with such disrespect, dishonor, contempt? It is so easy for me to judge, yet when I look at my own heart I am no longer blinded as to how someone could behave in such a way when I, as the bridegroom of Christ, so often treat the One who sacrificed Himself for me with that very same contempt. How many times has He pursued me, and how many times have I built a wall around my heart to keep Him out? How many times has He spoken to me, and how many times have I turned a deaf ear? How many times do I myself love him only on the conditions of "for better, for richer, and in health," turning to run at the first sign of hardship. He works only for my benefit, He died to set me free, and yet I so often choose to stay enslaved to the very sins that destroy me. No, I am no different than she. I am just as guilty, and just as in need of forgiveness. We all are.

I mourn at the sinful state of the world. He is the only one in the world who purely, unconditionally, passionately, relentlessly, and unselfishly loves us...the ONLY ONE, and yet we constantly pursue everything but Him. We look for such a love in another human being---in a lover, a father, a friend---only to be disappointed, because a flawed individual cannot offer such a flawless love. What a tragedy our hearts are. How He must weep at our sinful state. How heartbroken our God must be to have given so much out of love and received so little in return. Yet praise God that He is merciful, that no matter how many times we turn our backs on Him, His forgiveness is ever present to us if we merely ask it. What a fallen, selfish people we are, yet what a good, merciful God we serve. Praise God that our salvation rests not upon who we are or what we do, but solely upon who Jesus is and what He has done for us. If it were any other way, we would be hopeless.