When Racism Is Subtle

"Why can't those animals protest without being so violent and tearing people's property apart?"

"Why are those black people protesting? Don't they have jobs?"

These are both things that have been shared in my Facebook newsfeed recently and no one seems to realize that saying such statements and holding such beliefs are in fact a catch 22. It's a trap, a trap in which people of color lose 100% of the time. If you gather together to peacefully protest you're automatically labeled as unemployed, entitled, and "race baiters." If you don't peacefully protest you're labelled as unemployed, entitled, and "race baiters"...and also, of course, animals. 

It baffles me that people think they have to take sides in matters like this, as if we have to choose between valuing life and condoning violence. There is no choice that has to be made. The deaths of Michael Brown, Freddie Gray, Eric Garner, and countless other unarmed black men by police were horribly wrong and never should have happened. At the same time, the rioting that took place in Ferguson and Baltimore was wrong and never should have happened. There is no side to choose here other than what is just and what is right. That's all. Choose justice. Choose love. Choose what is true. Choose what is right.

The truth is that black lives DO matter. And all of the thousands of African Americans that you see protesting under this mantra aren't doing so because they don't have jobs and they aren't doing it to race-bait, they aren't doing it because they think white lives or police lives DON'T matter, but rather they are doing it so that we will finally LISTEN and be advocates in CHANGE. And if anything is evidence that change needs to be made, it's my Facebook newsfeed. So, will you listen? Will you be the change? 

If you're interested in learning about what "all those people"are protesting about, here are a couple of books you can read that illustrate how prevalent racism still is in our society, and how subtle and hard to recognize it has become for those of us on the outside of it:

So seriously, if you really want to know the facts and understand this movement, what are you still doing here? Why are you still reading a white girl from Kansas's blog and why are you still watching commentary on Fox news? Go...listen to what people in these hurting African American communities are saying. Listen to their stories. Listen to their experiences. Don't take my word for it, take theirs.

http://blacklivesmatter.com

We're All Hypocrites Here

People love to point out hypocrisy in others. In fact, I think it's become one of America's favorite online pastimes. Of course, no one would ever say what they say online to someone's face, but as soon as they log on, every thought and every opinion is unleashed in full force upon the InterWeb. People especially love to call Christians hypocrites. For some, getting to dig up dirt on any Christian or Christian organization and expose the hypocrisy that they find is more thrilling and exciting than winning the Superbowl. And yet, we Christians are such easy targets for hypocrisy. Not just because we are all, as it turns out, sinners, but mostly because we are all part of this rare population that still adheres to the notion of absolute truth, and in turn have some pretty radical convictions about God, life, death, sin, morality, and the afterlife. And the thing about convictions is that having them automatically makes you a hypocrite every time you fail. And the thing about failing is that it's a pretty normal occurrence in any Christian's walk with God. So if you're a Christian, then you are also statistically a hypocrite. It's nothing to be proud of, but it's certainly something to be honest with yourself about, to freely admit to others, and to confess to God.

It would be nice to not have convictions. Or to at least be able to sway back and forth on your convictions as so many others do on the grounds of subjectivism or relativism. No one can ever call you a hypocrite if you believe in nothing, stand for nothing, and sacrifice for nothing. Even relativists are immune to hypocrisy, because hey, to each their own. I may not believe you have the right to kill unborn babies, but you do, and you deserve the right to practice it. See how nonjudgemental I am? See how I have convictions, but don't at the same time? It's a nice way to approach gay marriage and abortion, which are now culturally accepted because of this subjectivism, but apply that same thinking to pedophilia or rape and I doubt the public would be so blasé. It's a funny thing, that Postmodernism. It makes us all aware of hypocrisy but gives us no standard of truth to truly expose and correct it.

It just baffles me how forgiving and nonchalant people can be of evil and at the same time how much hatred they can pour out toward good. Chris Brown bashes Rihanna's head against a window and two weeks later it's like it never even happened. People still buy his albums and still go to his concerts and still worship the ground he walks on. Sure, they think domestic violence is wrong, but they also really wanna go to that concert. They have convictions on this, but not convictions so strong that they would actually protest supporting an abusive artist. I mean, he's an abuser and what he did is technically an opposing force to women everywhere, but at least he's not a hypocrite. And yet on the other hand, Hobby Lobby---a company with Christian owners---is "exposed" for being "invested" in companies that make abortifacients and all of a sudden people have convictions so strong that they vow to never shop at Hobby Lobby again. "Hypocrites!" they scream. "How dare you claim to uphold the dignity of human life!" It doesn't matter that the "investment" is the 401k plan. It doesn't matter that it is the employees, not the company, that pick which mutual funds to invest in. And if this isn't enough, they are "exposed" yet again as "hypocrites" for doing business with China, a country where the government forces abortions on its own people! Never mind that they are doing business with Chinese manufacturers and not the Chinese government. Never mind that doing business in a place where evil exists (which, by the way, abortion exists in America, too) is not the same as supporting the evil. And while we're at it, let's all condemn China and ignore that in this specific Hobby Lobby case we're actually pushing to be like China by demanding freedom of worship (the right to believe whatever you want as long as you keep it to yourself) in the place of freedom of religion (the right to believe whatever you want and bring your convictions to the public square, including commerce.)

(Sorry, I had to get a Hobby Lobby rant in here somewhere.)

People are always wondering why so many Christians are hypocrites, as if there were actually a way for Christians to please the world and escape the label. And yet, this is an impossibility. The world will hate us for doing what is right, declaring what is right to instead be wrong, and the world will hate us when we do not carry out our own convictions of what is right and instead ourselves do wrong. There is no winning the battle against hypocrisy when you're a Christian, there is only bearing it. There is only confessing our sin, resting in God's grace, and trying again to do what is right, no matter how many times we fail.

It is tempting as a Christian to try to avoid the hypocrite label by lessening your convictions or pretending not to have them, but this does no service to God. It is far better to have tried to do what is good and failed than to have never cared or done anything at all. It is better to have watched porn and be deemed a hypocrite because you constantly fight against it than to try to justify your watching porn by declaring it to not be wrong after all. Just because we sin doesn't mean that we should stop fighting sin, and the shame that results from that sin is never a good excuse to keep us from doing what is right. If we truly believe that Jesus paid the price for our sins, that there is now no condemnation for even our hypocrisy, then we would never let shame compromise our convictions, silence us, or keep us from living out the truth of what we believe.

Of course, the best way to avoid being a hypocrite is by living out your convictions and honoring God with your life. If you believe God calls us to be a steward of the earth and all its living creatures, then perhaps you should at least recycle and make an effort towards conservation. If you believe that sex is sacred and designed only for marriage, then perhaps you should not have sex before you're married, or cheat on your spouse when you are. If you believe homosexuality is wrong, then don't have sex with someone of the same gender, and don't watch it online either. If you believe theft is wrong, then perhaps you should stop illegally downloading movies and music. If you believe abortion is wrong, then by all means, definitely don't get one. If you especially want to carry out Jesus' commands in the Bible, then please, please, please care for the poor, widowed, and orphaned. And the list goes on and on. Yes, this is the BEST way to avoid being a hypocrite, but alas, it is not the EASIEST way. Actually doing what you believe means constant sacrifice and even pain. It means being a misfit, being made fun of, being criticized, and maybe even being harassed. Doing what is right is always the more difficult road and it always comes at a cost, but it is also infinitely more worthy of that cost than its counterpart.

Now, there are probably areas in everyone's life where they are in fact not hypocrites, and these are the areas where we all like to point our fingers in judgement the most. We should not take pride in being a hypocrite (as in, "I may be a hypocrite, but at least I have convictions!"), but we shouldn't take pride in not being one either. If you are only doing what is right to hold it above everyone else and demand the same from them, then you have completely missed the point of what it means to love, honor, and follow God. You may have also forgotten what grace is. Being a Christian, an ex-legalist, and a goody two-shoes, I would really like the world to act in accordance to not just God's standards, but more importantly, my standards. The only problem is, not only does the world not live up to these standards, but I don't even live up to these standards. I just like to think that I do. The difference between me and God, though, is that when people fail those standards, I tend to get angry and self-righteous, but God tends to give forgiveness and grace. I, and pretty much every other human, say "Shame on you. We don't want you here," while God says "I'm still here. I still love and accept you.  I'll be holding your hand the entire way." And this is the beauty of grace. It is profound enough that God loves sinners and offers them an eternal life that they don't even remotely deserve, but it is even more profound that He loves and forgives hypocrites, too, the very people that everyone is quick to judge and slow to forgive. The very people that Jesus railed against in the Bible. They are the liars in deeds, but not in words, the scum of the universe that everyone loves to judge and loves to hate. And yet, if everyone were truly honest with themselves, they would admit that they too, are in one way or another, a hypocrite. I know I am. And as it turns out, hypocrites need just as much grace as everyone else, if not more.

So to all you hypocrites out there, repent. Then carry on in God's grace. And to all of you out there who are quick to judge a hypocrite, take a long look in the mirror before you point your finger at anyone. There is nothing wrong with exposing the sin of hypocrisy, but the least you could do is make sure what you're saying is true, and the most you could do is to do it in love.

"So, How Are The Wedding Plans Going?"

I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've heard this question over the last few months. And I always feel strange answering it because I'm not sure how honest people want me to be about it. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate that people are interested enough to ask, but at the same time it gets repetitive when every single person you talk to asks the exact same question. I know people are just being kind and I don't hold it against them, but well, I'm just tired of the question...mostly because there's a lot more going on in my life than just planning a wedding. Back in the first three months of engagement I was your typical giddy engaged girl who was excited to pick out her dress and find her venue and make all of her d.i.y. decorations and now, 7 months later and about 3 1/2 months till the wedding day the giddiness has most certainly worn off. Now when people ask me this question all I want to say is...

They're not going anywhere fast, that's for sure.
No, Martha Stewart Weddings will not be covering my wedding, nor will any wedding blog.
Pinterest is a lie, and I'm deeply disappointed in the false expectations it gave me.
D.I.Y. is not for the faint of heart, nor is it cheaper in the long run.
Getting married, as it turns out, is not a good enough motivation to lose weight for those of us who are stress eaters.
Wedding dress shopping is only magical for those size 8 and below...you know, the ones who actually fit into the sample dresses.
Planning isn't actually as much fun as I imagined.
EVERYTHING having to do with a wedding is expensive and overpriced.
I'm having serious misgivings about my parents pouring thousands of dollars into ONE DAY.
I miss my bridesmaids and wish I could actually see them more than twice before the wedding.
And lastly...I'm tired of being engaged and just wanna marry my best friend already!

Instead of people asking "How are the wedding plans going?" sometimes I wish people would just get straight to the heart and ask "So, how are you doing with the fact that your ENTIRE LIFE is about to change?!?" Because amidst all of the excitement of getting to marry Seth, there's also a plethora of anxiety and even sadness that I wasn't prepared for. Pinterest certainly didn't mention it, nor Glamour magazine, nor the marriage prep books, nor all the older women in my life offering up advice about how to properly plan for and decorate a wedding. I never expected that so much "junk" would come up in what is supposed to be the happiest time of my life. And the thing is, it's hard to talk about because people will assume that I'm unhappy with Seth or that things aren't going well in our relationship and that couldn't be further from the truth. I'm not having "cold feet" nor am I making a mistake. Seth and I are literally a match made in heaven, brought together by God Himself, and the best of friends. We can't wait to marry each other! But the truth is that all this anxiety and sadness have absolutely nothing to do with him and everything to do with me.

I never thought that I would actually mourn my singleness before I was even married. I never thought that, even though I am gaining a husband and an entire family, I would also feel like I am losing my own. I didn't expect to be in an identity crisis before I even take on a new last name, as I will no longer be just a daughter or sister or friend or youth worker, but also a wife. I never realized all the anxieties and doubt that I had buried deep inside of me about being a good wife, about doing a good job of supporting my husband and loving him and cooking and cleaning and planning and working and someday being a mother and the list goes on and on. I never realized how selfish and independent I was until I started having to plan for the fact that nothing will really be "mine" anymore. I will no longer be able to spend money on whatever I want whenever I want, but I'll actually have to discuss it ahead of time and always have someone else to think of. I can never just go out with friends without having to tell anyone where I'm at, nor can I just plan to go off for a weekend and visit some friends in a faraway state. I can never again think only of myself and my plans and my desires and my needs. I'm not even married yet and I'm already dying to self more than I've ever had to before, and I'm not gonna lie, it's incredibly painful.

And yet I'm reminded that this is the call of the Christian---to die to self. To take up your cross and follow Him. God chose marriage as a symbol of His relationship to us, the church, and I'm seeing more and more why He did so. There is no "me" in marriage just as there is no "me" in my relationship with Christ, because life isn't all about me and it was never meant to be. Growing up in a divorced home, I never really got to see this played out. I saw my parents "die to self" in many other ways---particularly as parents---but I didn't get to see it in their marriage and I find myself starting from scratch, walking blindly into a married life that is not only statistically doomed, but that will no doubt be a target for a devil who will do anything to keep me and my spouse from carrying out a marriage that depends on God, seeks Him, and honors Him.

So really, how am I doing in all of this marriage prep business?

Hi, I'm Tiffany Johnson, and I'm teriffied.

On a daily basis, I have to keep reminding myself of God's faithfulness. I have to keep guarding myself against false expectations of engagement and marriage. I have to keep reminding myself that where I fail, there will always be grace. I have to keep reminding myself that my God is bigger than any marriage statistic. I have to keep reminding myself that I am not my parents and that my marriage will not be theirs. I have to keep reminding myself that this is God's plan for my life, and every single bit of it---even the painful process of dying to self---serves a purpose. And I have to keep reminding myself that the man I'm marrying loves Jesus, is full of grace, is kind, compassionate, joyful, easy-going, fun, passionate, intelligent, funny, creative, and has so many wonderful qualities that are a true GIFT to me, and that he will not someday just stop being the wonderful man that he is and stop offering me his love and forgiveness when I need it. I have to keep reminding myself that my identity is in CHRIST, not as a wife or daughter or sister or youth worker or anything else. And I have to keep reminding myself that marriage is more than me getting MY needs met and whether or not I feel loved, but it is more about me loving my husband and seeking to meet HIS needs, and above all glorifying God.

Marriage ain't easy. If it were, there wouldn't be a fifty percent divorce rate. People would never cheat on each other. And an entire generation wouldn't be so afraid of a failed marriage that they don't even bother getting married. So this post isn't just for me to get out all of my frustrations and conflicted feelings, but also to give all these other unmarried girls a big smack on the head and tell them that there's more to marriage than planning a wedding. If your expectations for marriage don't involve anything other than a white dress, an aisle, a honeymoon, and a happily ever after, then it's time you got a big dose of reality. Marriage isn't all about you and your husband isn't just a means to get what you want in life. So please, I beg of you, no matter how "prepared" you think you are for marriage, seek the wisdom of others in preparing for marriage, whether it be through several months of pre-marital and post-marital counseling, through books such as "The Meaning of Marriage" or "When Sinners Say I Do," through hours of endless prayer and Bible study, or through advice from loved ones in your life who can offer up practical and loving advice. I can guarantee you that even though you think you're "prepared," you're not, even in just the engagement stage. Trust me, I'm living proof. ;)

Now, don't get me wrong. There are many joys that come with being engaged. And that is what you read about all the time in magazines and on blogs. That is what you see on T.V. and in movies. Those are the stories you hear from your friends and family as they plan a wedding and get hitched. But there is another side that you don't see---a side that is almost taboo---and if you are engaged and experiencing anxiety, fear, doubt, and sadness, I hope you know that you are not alone and that nothing's wrong with you for feeling the way you feel. It's just part of growing up, of dying to self and being refined by fire. Your whole life is about to change, and because of that it's pretty normal to feel the way you do. So in the meantime, just pray a lot, be honest to yourself about how you're feeling, have conversations about it with your fiancee instead of trying to hide it, identify any lies you're believing, hold fiercely to God's truths, and rely on Him wholly to get you through. I promise He will. :-) And remember, marriage is a beautiful, God-given covenant and will be worth the endeavor even amidst all the trials you will face together. And that fiancee of yours that you love so much---he's definitely worth loving for the rest of your life. I know mine is! :-D