Thankful Thursday!

Ah yes, from this day forward, all Thursdays shall be dedicated to giving thanks. Mostly because it's easier for me to sit down and make lists of things than to write about an actual topic or post pictures. I dream of writing such posts, but alas, I'm a busy girl these days. So without further adieu, may I present to you things for which I am thankful today...

1. Youth group kids. Seriously, I love them all. Every single one. Most of the time I wish I could be in ten places at once so I could get to know every one of them better, and hang out with them, and speak truth into their lives. But alas, I am only one person. God isn't going to use just me to impact their lives, and it's not up to just me to do so...thankfully. With or without me, God is working in their lives for good. But I am ever so thankful for the times when He does choose to use me!

2. I mentioned this last time...but my office plant, Francesca. Her sprouts are growing strong and healthy. She's flourishing! And even cooler, she surprised me with mushrooms over the weekend! I have no idea where on earth they came from, but it was a pleasant surprise for a Monday morning. I'm secretly hoping for more, as they've already withered and died. Is it weird that I get such thrills from watching a plant grow?

3. Beth Moore. I've been reading "So Long Insecurity" lately and it's been an amazing journey thus far. I already knew I was insecure in several areas, but I didn't quite realize the massive extent of them. Most of the time it's embarassing, the thing's that I'm insecure about, and even more so the way I act because of them, but God's used many situations lately to show me the areas that need to be taken care of, and with His help they shall be defeated once and for all!

4. Motion City Soundtrack. I don't know why, but I've been really into them lately. They just make me smile. :-)

5. Restored friendships. A friend and I recently had a bit of a squabble, but things are sorted out now and I'm ever so thankful for that. And I'm thankful that he (and most of my friends, really) is a forgiving person. And I'm thankful that God gives me the strength to forgive, because it's so hard to do when you've been hurt. I'm slowly but surely learning just to love people as they are, to encourage rather than try to "fix" them, and let me tell you, it's a lesson that's hard to learn, and it's been quite painful on the journey. Someday...someday I will finally get it.

6. My dad. We just had the most delightful conversation the other night. We talked for hours, and he really encouraged me and brought understanding into areas of my life that I was nearly on the verge of giving up on.

7. My guitar came!!!!! And she's even more beautiful than I imagined! Now I just need to name her...

8. "Easy A." I've already seen it twice. I wasn't so sure about it, but man is it witty. And even though it portrays Christians as complete nutjobs...it was still hilarious. I would highly recommend it...for an adult audience though, of course. One of my favorite lines: "I don't know what your generation's fascination is with documenting your every thought...but I can assure you, they're not all diamonds. 'Roman is having an o.k. day and bought a Coke Zero at the gas station. Raise the roof.' Who gives a rat's a**?" Funny how that's my favorite line...and I'm blogging about it.

9. Men. Sometimes I love 'em, sometimes I hate 'em. But I'm thankful for them nonetheless.

10. And last, but certainly not least: Children's books. Particularly Scaredy Squirrel, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Walter the Farting Dog, ABC Kitty, The Butt Book, and The Secret Keeper. If you have children, then you should be reading these books to them. They're amazing. If you don't have children, then you should also be reading them. Because they're still awesome. :-D

And now, because no blog post of a spinster is complete without a picture of a cat...I give you lolcats.

Splurge!

I have a confession to make.

I just completely splurged.

On this...

Isn't she just beautiful? I don't quite know what I'll name her yet (I'm open to suggestions!), but I'm so excited to get her in the mail. Some of you are probably surprised that I didn't go for this...

I am too. Pink...sparkly...how exactly did I pass this up? It's even cheaper! But alas...my heart was continually drawn towards the sparkly purple. I like the body design better, plus it's called the "Tom Boy." It seems to fit me...and if I had a hot pink sparkly guitar, I'd feel a bit of a poser. I don't have the skills to own up to that baby just yet. ;-)

These next 7 days will be a little bit of torture...the anticipation is already killing me!

I've been dreaming of an electric guitar for a couple years now, but seeing as how my finances have gone to tuition for the past six years of my life I couldn't quite bring myself to buy one. I found a great deal on e-bay, though, so I just couldn't pass this one up when I saw it.

Now don't go thinking that because I bought an electric guitar I'm actually good at guitar. Quite the contrary, actually. I have taken lessons. All of my 8th grade year and a semester of my senior year in college were devoted to lessons, so I've got basic training, but my excitement for the guitar always waned due to the fact that I was forced to play songs like "Over the Rainbow" and "Holy, Holy, Holy." I know, I know. Who wouldn't want to rock out to that, right? Also, the fact that the only guitar I own is an acoustic I purchased at a garage sale for ten dollars has not helped to spur me on to greater things. This guitar is so crappy that it would make Jimi Hendrix sound like an amateur. The neck is slightly bent, so the actual strings are about a mile away from the fretboard, meaning that my fingers must endure 20 times the pain than that of the average guitar player. And after all that pain...it doesn't even sound good. I always remain convinced that I completely and hopelessly suck until I pick up an actual decent guitar, and am in shock at the fact that my playing is not drowned out by an incessant rattling noise, but does indeed slightly sound like music. Who knew?

And so my mind is filled with dreams of Ozzy, Jimi, Zeppelin, Metallica, Kansas, Boston, and the like...I WILL master "Crazy Train." I will, I tell you. And hey, if I get REALLY good (and if I can afford it), maybe I can own one of these beauties...

(Just look at that sparkly white and filigree neck design...It's gorgeous!)

P.S. You should check out their online catalog here. The company is called Daisy Rock, and it's strictly guitars for GIRLS. Finally, guitars that don't require me to have man hands! Their designs are smaller, they're lighter weight, and the frets are closer together. Sounds like guitar heaven to me. :-)

Happy guitar dreams to all of you. And if any of you want to start a band some day, let me know. We can call ourselves the "Spinsters of Death"...or perhaps the "Flaming Bagladies." Hehe.

Dental Woes

For those of you who know me, you know that I would rather be locked in a room of hungry, rabid squirrels while wearing walnut-scented perfume than go to the dentist. I. Hate. It. And not only do I have to go twice a year for routine check-ups, but I of course end up having an average of 2-3 cavities every single year that I have to go back for. At least when I was a kid I got a special prize from the treasure chest after the appointment was over, but now all I ever get is bleeding gums, a sore mouth, and a bill.

As you can probably guess by the fact that this post even exists, today I had to make yet another visit to the dentist. This time for three, yes THREE fillings. I had two cavities and a chipped tooth. Who knows how that even happened? The funny thing is, I never actually even know that I have cavities. They don't ever hurt. They're not even sensitive. The only times I have ever full-on known that my next dental check-up would bring about another for a filling was a) when a previous filling fell out and I had what seemed like the grand canyon between my back two molars and b) when I could pull an entire kernel of corn out of the crater that took up residence on yet another back molar (the aforementioned chipped tooth, in this case). I'm convinced that all other times, however, I have never actually had a cavity. They just want to suck me dry with their expensive fees, and because I know absolutely nothing about dentistry, they know they can get away with it. Curse you, evil dentist! Curse you!

I have gone to the same dentist my entire life and he still scares me. It's not his fault, though. It's nothing personal. It's just that, well, when you have twenty+ years of associating the dentist with pain and discomfort, you're naturally going to not like your dentist. And when the only time you ever see him is when you're high on laughing gas and he's staring at you with his bulging magnified eyes as he pokes around and drills inside your mouth, well, I'd say the anxiety is probably legitimate. The only possible compassion I could have on him is because of the following scenario.

Me:Gag

Dentist in the middle of drilling: Heh.

Me: Gag again.

Dentist to assistant: Watch that suction. I think you've got it too far back in her throat. She's gagging.

Me: Gag. Gag. Gag. Sit up in the middle of drilling. Throw up in sink next to me.

Dentist. Uh, let's go ahead and turn that laughing gas off now.

Yeah. Like I've stressed, the dentist office is never happy fun time for me. Even the laughing gas fails when you've had too much and throw up in the middle of your appointment. Awesome.

Anyways, today's lovely appointment lasted a full hour. The appointment was at 9, and 5 hours later I'm finally beginning to get the feeling back in my face. Have you ever tried to put lip gloss on when you can't feel your upper lip? Hilarious! But I warn you not to try it without a mirror. The mirror is essential, ladies. Also of great entertainment are trying to scrunch your nose, smile, drink water, and eat a banana. Oh, and whatever you do, make sure you don't ever talk to a cute guy after a dental appointment. When you smile, you look like a drooling infant...and you don't even realize it. You should really just avoid all male contact until you have feeling back. Trust me on this.

Okay, so I think I'm FINALLY done ranting and raving about the dentist. Thanks for enduring to the end...if you did indeed accomplish such a feat. And if you did in fact read this, I shall now reward you with a link to a delightful sketch from the Carol Burnett Show.

Give Thanks

I'm still terrible at this blogging thing, but I'm doing my best here. How on earth do people keep up with these things?

Ah well, some day. Some day. Today, however, I've decided to take the opportunity to use this blog as a way to give thanks to God. It's so easy to focus on the trials in my life, to lose sight of all that God is doing and has done, but today I just want to take time to list some of the things that I'm thankful for. And believe me, there are many things to give thanks for.

So, in no particular order, here's what I'm thankful for today:

1. My office plant Francesca, because no matter how many times I neglect her, she still thrives. She even has seedlings!

2. My amazing bosses, Deb and Jim. They're so flexible and patient with me, and are just a joy to work for.

3. Audio books, and their ability to get me caught up on reading while I work at my desk. If it weren't for this site, I wouldn't have discovered the young adult genre, and probably wouldn't have discovered my desire to be a youth services librarian (*fingers crossed*). AND I never would have gotten around to reading Les Miserable and The Count of Monte Cristo. Their length always intimidated me, but now they've become two of my absolute favorite books!

4. My two best friends Josie Marie and Rachel Anne. Life always seems to separate us somehow, but it also always brings us back together somehow. I'm looking forward to being friends with these girls for a lifetime, and can't wait for our future B.F.F. road trips, getting to become "Auntie Tiff" to their future children, and of course drooling and knitting together when we someday share nursing homes. :-)

5. Little answers to prayer. Like when you're visiting a college & career group for the first time, are incredibly nervous and praying that someone will at least talk to you, and as soon as you pull into the parking lot, Amy Schmidt from Tabor (who is also visiting for the first time) pulls into the space right next to you. Yay God! Yay Amy!

6. The Prince of Egypt soundtrack. Need I say more?

7. My incredibly giving, unselfish, patient, kind, loving, and supportive parents (That includes you, step-Dan! :-D). I don't think I even need to say more than that. They're just wonderful.

8. A brother who seeks God in times of great trial, and who leads by example of what it means to follow Christ. I'm not gonna lie, his life totally sucks right now, but God has done GREAT things in him and through him these past few months, and I'm so proud of the godly man he's become because of these hard times.

9. Hot morning showers---because I get one every day and many around the world don't. It's just one of those blessings that I always take for granted.

10. Living in a state that has sunny blue skies followed by torrential rain, hail, and tornado warnings in the SAME day. Kansas weather is AWESOME.

And there it is. Today's list. I think I'll keep this PTL (Praise the Lord) list up. It makes me smile. I already feel ten times more joyful and optimistic than I did a mere hour ago! Anyways, I shall now end this post, and what better way to end it than with some super awesome Bible verses? Behold...

Ephesians 5: 18b-20

"Instead, be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with Psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."

1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

1 Corinthians 15: 56-57

"The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ!"

And now...because posts are better with a picture...a picture of the day from icanhascheezburger.

Once Upon A Time...

Once upon a time, I started a blog. I really did intend to keep up with this blog, but alas, life got overwhelming and this poor blog became neglected for several months. But the time has come to begin anew, and from henceforth I shall do my best to try to keep up and even make my life seem a little interesting. :-)

This summer was absolutely CRAZY, but I'm so thankful for all of the awesome opportunities I've had. I've been working full-time, going to school for my Master's, AND I took on an internship with the youth group at my church. Not gonna lie, it was a bit stressful, but soooo worth it! Now that the Summer has come to an end, my internship is over and (insert celebratory trumpet sound) I've FINALLY graduated with my Masters!!!! Oh happy day, I never have to go back to school again! The feeling is incredible, although I have to admit, it still hasn't quite sunk in yet. Now all I have to do is find my perfect job...

On to my FAVORITE part of the Summer...youth group! It really is better the second time around. :-) I absolutely LOVE working with all these kids. They're incredible, and often teach me far more than I teach them. God has seriously been so good to me giving me such an opportunity to get plugged in in this way, and now I don't think I can possibly ever go to a church without serving in such a capacity. We've already made such wonderful memories together, but instead of boring you by typing it out, I'll go ahead and post some pictures. Prepare for youth group awesomeness!

I got to know all these wonderful girls on our missions trip to Chicago. They are each so uniquely gifted and it was awesome to see all of those gifts be used during our time there. Love these girls!

We all also got to know all of these wonderful kids during our time there. We spent the entire week doing VBS at a local homeless shelter. After we left, new groups came in every week and continued running it all summer long. I'm hoping and praying that these kids come to know and understand the love of Christ, and I'm so thankful that God used us to bring the message of the Gospel to them!
The last couple of days we decided to dance during rec time. I am STILL bummed I missed this (I was teaching missions during the time). Here the kids are teaching the girls to two-step. So fun!

I might just have to have a separate Chicago post. There are so many pictures and so many stories to tell! So I'll move on...to the lock-in! We began by playing a rousing game of Eat That Food.

Here's my really really ridiculously good looking cousin, Calvin, demonstrating the size of the GINORMOUS crickets that they had to eat. Don't worry...only one actually ate it. Calvin did at least eat a leg, though.And here's Fawver nearly losing it after eating who knows what. Crab chips? Dried anchovies? We pretty much played dodgeball for the rest of the night. It seriously didn't get old. I love this game.

Next up...Junior/Senior retreat in Kansas City. Not many came, but me and these two lovely ladies had an absolute blast! And we of course couldn't go to KC without having some delicious barbecue. Thanks Jessica, for sniping such a lovely picture of your brother. :-)

There's more to come, but I think this is already a lengthy enough post. Plus, it's getting pretty annoying having to drag each individual picture from the very top to very bottom. There's GOT to be a simpler way to do this! And here I thought I was becoming techie...

Love Is A Choice

If there's anything I've learned these past few months, through all the trials and heartache I've both experienced and witnessed, it's simply that you can't make someone love you. All of your efforts, whether they are of purest intentions or laced with manipulation, can not sway an unchangeable heart. You can try to cling with all your might to the one you love, only to find them pulling even further away, or you can back off hoping they will freely make a choice only to find that your absence has only led them to a choice without you in it. I always believed that of all things, commitment would guarantee love. Yet it turns out that even commitment is often nothing more than an empty promise. It is still unfathomable to me how one can stand before God, family, friends, and the beloved one they are about to marry, speaking the words "for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, til death do us part" only to turn and run when things start to difficult, when they find that they must not only put away selfishness but also allow their heart to be forever and continually changed.

So many times I find myself saying "you fool." How could you treat someone who so selflessly loves you, who relentlessly pursues you, encourages you, and cares so genuinely for not just your heart, mind, or body, but even your very soul...how could you treat them with such disrespect, dishonor, contempt? It is so easy for me to judge, yet when I look at my own heart I am no longer blinded as to how someone could behave in such a way when I, as the bridegroom of Christ, so often treat the One who sacrificed Himself for me with that very same contempt. How many times has He pursued me, and how many times have I built a wall around my heart to keep Him out? How many times has He spoken to me, and how many times have I turned a deaf ear? How many times do I myself love him only on the conditions of "for better, for richer, and in health," turning to run at the first sign of hardship. He works only for my benefit, He died to set me free, and yet I so often choose to stay enslaved to the very sins that destroy me. No, I am no different than she. I am just as guilty, and just as in need of forgiveness. We all are.

I mourn at the sinful state of the world. He is the only one in the world who purely, unconditionally, passionately, relentlessly, and unselfishly loves us...the ONLY ONE, and yet we constantly pursue everything but Him. We look for such a love in another human being---in a lover, a father, a friend---only to be disappointed, because a flawed individual cannot offer such a flawless love. What a tragedy our hearts are. How He must weep at our sinful state. How heartbroken our God must be to have given so much out of love and received so little in return. Yet praise God that He is merciful, that no matter how many times we turn our backs on Him, His forgiveness is ever present to us if we merely ask it. What a fallen, selfish people we are, yet what a good, merciful God we serve. Praise God that our salvation rests not upon who we are or what we do, but solely upon who Jesus is and what He has done for us. If it were any other way, we would be hopeless.

Sometimes Change Is the Very Thing We Need...

Have you ever given someone advice only to realize later on that you're the one who needs to be taking that very advice? Yeah, me neither.......ha, in my dreams. It was only a few weeks ago that this very event took place in my own life, and already God has begun to turn my world upside down. In my attempt to give good marital advice (because I'm so clearly an expert when it comes to mariage), I told a loved one that he and his wife seemed to be at a point in their relationship where they could either open their hearts up to God, let him change them, and grow together, or stay the same and grow apart. It wasn't long before I realized that that was the very point I was at in my own relationship with God.

Over the last year and a half, it seems that change has consistently come racing toward me at the speed of light, and there's really been nothing I can do other than to just go with it. Graduation. Working full-time. Grad school. Breaking up. Marrying off friends and family. Loved ones moving away. The ups and downs of all changing relationships. The last couple years have been a roller coaster. At the time, it felt like God was just stripping me of everything and everyone I cared about a little at a time till I was virtually left with nothing, and I was angry at Him for doing so. I felt insignificant, unloved, forgotten, and alone, and when I cried out to God I heard nothing in return. Believe me, there is no greater depth of despair than the assumed absence of the Heavenly Father. There were nights when I laid in bed awake, attempting to pray, and nearly had an anxiety attack worrying about my salvation, convinced that He no longer loved me, and that the moment I came before Him on the day of judgement he would say "I never knew you" and cast me away from His presence. Truly, I thought that. Despite the fact that I KNEW in my head and heart that Christ's blood has atoned for my sins, I still believed this because I did not FEEL it, because His absence was overwhelming.

And yet so much of the heartache from the past couple years could have been avoided had I just turned to God. Yes, I went throught the motions. A few prayers here and there, church every Sunday, college group on Tuesdays, even another small group on Wednesdays. Yet despite all of that, my relationship with God was clearly lacking. I was rarely in the Word on my own, and furthermore, despite the fact that I was almost constantly surrounded by wonderful, passionate Christians, I rarely felt encouraged. And how could they encourage me if I wouldn't let anyone in? My heart had become a black hole. An impenetrable force field. God could change every circumstance in my life. He could take away everything I held dear, but He was NOT getting my heart. I had been so hurt by those closest to me that I had just emotionally shut down, and not only thought that I couldn't trust anyone with my heart, but believed it. Yes, I believed that I could not trust even God with my heart.

And THAT, my friends, was my greatest mistake. How many times does God have to prove Himself to me for me to understand His love for me? How many times has he already proven Himself? I was in a valley, and I wanted God to simply pick me right up out of it and let me go on my merry way, unchanged as if nothing had every happened. Yet God, in His infinite love, could not allow for me to exit that valley without coming up on the other side as a new and restored person, and I am ever so thankful for that, for He has already brought more healing to my heart than any earthly remedy could have ever provided.

Sometimes what we want to happen isn't what we need. And with that in mind, I say, thank God that He does not fill my mind with what I want to hear, but rather with the truth. Thank God that He does not enable my disobedience, but rather stands back and lets me fall, so that I might come to Him yet again with repentance, with the willingness to allow Him to change me into who He wants me to be. Thank God that everything He says and does is said and done in love, for my benefit. And thank God that He cherishes me so much that everything He has ever done, is doing, and will do is meant to make me whole and united to Him. Yes, what a wonderful God it is that we serve. Can I get an Amen?

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" ~Psalm 34: 18

"You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever." ~Psalm 30: 11-12

"And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom" ~Anais Nin