The Woes Of Being Single

One of the most frustrating things about being single is the command to be content in it. I can’t tell you how many times people have offered the advice to wait patiently and be content in your singleness thinking that the suggestion would somehow bring comfort to me. Really, though, it’s just become another cliché slogan that people like to pull out of their reserves because they don’t know what else to say. If you’re going to tell me to be content, then could you at least tell me what that actually means, and how to go about doing it? Could you give me an example of someone who actually is content? Because truly, most of the people who give me this advice have never actually had to be content with singleness. Most of them are married or dating, and have never spent more than a few months of their lives since the 7th grade as a single person without any romantic interests. So where does that leave the rest of us who have spent the majority of our lives single? And how do we deal with the fact that we are growing frustrated with the wait? Most of the time it feels like life is just passing us by. Our friends are getting married and having babies, and we are getting left behind because we’ve lost our common ground. We try and make single friends, but well, they end up getting married and having babies too. So who’s left to relate to? Our grandparent’s generation got married at 16, our parent’s generation at 20, and our generation at 22…so really, who can actually understand what it’s like to have to wait so long and be content in it?

Now most of you might stop me and say, “Hey, wait a minute. Isn’t the average marrying age in America 26? You’re only 25…what are you even complaining about?” To that I would say, “Have you ever lived in Kansas? Have you been in the Christian communities here? The average marrying age would be 12 if the law would allow it.” And as for the average age of 26, let’s be real…most of the people in that statistic have already enjoyed MANY of the benefits that God created for marriage far before ever being married: Sex, cohabitation, children, etc. Trying to follow Christ and live a godly life in a world that does not acknowledge Christ or care about the commands that he’s given is HARD, and as a single person it's REALLY HARD and it gets pretty lonely at times. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only virgin on the face of this planet. Yes, it’s true. I’m a 25 year-old virgin. I don’t say this with pride, yet I don’t say it with shame either. I say it knowing that I have only been able to remain pure by the grace of God, and I say it knowing all too well the struggle it is to remain pure in a world that has no boundaries for sexuality and views being a virgin more as pathetic than as virtuous and desirable. So where does this all leave me? Exactly where I’m at. Unwilling to sacrifice my purity for the sake of a good time and unwilling to marry just any man for the sake of being married. Frustrated with the wait, unsure of whether or not God is ever going to give me the precious gift of marriage, feeling trapped in the place where I’m at in life. And yet at the same time, still pursuing Christ, letting him mold me into a godly woman, serving where I can, hoping that God will use this incredibly difficult stage in my life to encourage others and point them to Christ. Have I mentioned how hard this all is?

So with all this said, this is where I’m at. It has its ups, it has its downs. Looking at it from an earthly perspective it probably seems pointless and hopeless---like I really am going to end up a crazy cat lady spinster---but looking at it from an eternal perspective I know that what God has in store for me is far greater than what I have in store for me, and waaaaaaaay better than what the world has in store for me. The struggle is just all part of God’s beautiful plan to use me and my circumstances to glorify Him, and hopefully bring others to Him. And though at times it seems like wickedness in the world pays off far more than holiness, I know that the “happiness” and “fun” (That's code for sin---mostly sex---in case you missed it) that every other single person my age is enjoying is really only destroying them. I don't envy them by any means, because I know that what I have is better. I have Christ...and the sacrifice He made for me and redemption He has given me is of far greater value than a few meaningless relationships and one-night stands.

So now I'm left pondering this: What if my plan for my life isn't God’s plan for my life? What if my desire to marry and have children isn’t God’s desire for me? What then? And in the meantime, while I’m trying to “be content” and figure my life out, what do I do with these verses?

"Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (1 Corinthians 7:8)

"Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. 26Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. 27Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. 28But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. 29What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; 30those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; 31those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away. 32I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. 36If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. 37But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. 38So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better." (1 Corinthians 7: 25-38)

Because when I read this, all I think is "Crap. This is going to ruin my life and all the plans I've had for myself." But in the end, maybe that's the point...