Sometimes when we pray and ask for help, we end up having to wait what seems like a lifetime for some semblance of an answer. Other times, we end up not having to wait at all. I cherish those times when God answers immediately, and yesterday was one of those days. As you can tell by my last post, I’ve been struggling to find contentment in being single. The question I keep asking is HOW. I know why I should do it, I know when I should do it (um, now, obviously), but HOW? I prayed this simple prayer, and immediately God seems to have said “Oh, you wanna know how? Okay, I’ll teach you how. Here ya go.”
And in comes June Hunt. June Hunt is my hero. She’s the founder of Hope For The Heart and has a couple call-in Christian radio talk shows that I listen to online quite often. I can speak for both my brother and myself when I say that God has already used her immensely to speak truth into our lives and point us toward Christ. Yes, David and I are probably the only two people under the age of 50 that listen to the show, but trust me, we don’t care. In fact, you’ll probably hear the both of us unknowingly humming the show’s theme song on a daily basis. And in case David ever tells you about her incredible talkshow “Hope Is Where the Heart Is," don’t google it because that’s not what it’s called. It’s “Hope For The Heart.” Sometimes he gets confused…
Anyways, last week I decided to order one of June’s books entitled “Counseling Through Your Bible Handbook.” I wanted to use the section on self-worth to use for some curriculum I’ve been teaching to my Sunday School girls. So I read over the section again and again, but guess what came after the section entitled “self-worth.” Well, it was actually sexual addiction. Then sexual integrity. BUT after that, it was SINGLENESS. When I saw it, it was as if a heavenly light was shining down on the pages before me. ‘Tis a miracle! No one ever offers counseling on singleness. But it only makes sense that June Hunt would, because the woman is nearly in her nineties and has never married. Yes, it’s true, there is actually a person offering advice and hope on singleness that has actually spent a lifetime being content in singleness. Like I said…tis a miracle!
This woman is so amazing that she actually used an acrostic to give wisdom on how to be content. I love acrostics. Soooo, I thought I’d share it on here, because I know I’m not the only one who can benefit from this, and I know that there are other people struggling with the same things I am. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind at all, even if I am somehow unknowingly breaking some copyright law. Here’s what she had to say about HOW to be C-O-N-T-E-N-T with singleness...
Confess the difficulty. Admit...
...if you are discontented, angry, frustrated, lonely
...if you desire to marry
...God's right to order your life
(Jer. 10:23)
Overcome the "greener grass" mentality. Marriage does not...
...cure loneliness
...provide self-worth
...cure depression
...provide security
(Phil. 4:19)
Nourish a heart of gratefulness. Be thankful for the freedom...
...to attain your own aspirations
...to take risks
...to use your time as you need
...to be mobile
...to have greater control over financial planning
...to nurture several deep relationships
...to lean completely on the Lord
...to serve the Lord in any way
...to be spontaneous
...to be yourself
(1 Thess. 5: 16-18)
Treasure your identity in Christ. Remember that...
...you belong to God (Rom. 8:16)
...you are never alone (Deut. 31:8)
...you have all the confidence you need (Prov. 3:26)
...you have the mind of Christ (1 Cor. 2:16)
...you have a purpose in life (Ps. 138:8)
Expect God to give you a ministry. You can...
...learn your spiritual gift
...love others with agape love (seeking other people's highest good)
...learn the art of encouraging others
...look for ways to meet the needs of others
(Rom. 12: 4-17)
Nurture a family of friends. You can...
...be open to several significant relationships
...be free in sharing your true thoughts and feelings ...be interested in your friends' interests
...be compassionate about your friends' concerns
(Prov. 13:20; 17:17)
Trust your future to God. As you do so...
...lay down your emotions---feelings follow thinking, so learn to think the way God thinks through studying and memorizing Scripture.
...lay down your will---give up having to have things your way. Instead, seek God's will.
...lay down your expectations---allow the Holy Spirit to direct your aspirations.
(1 Jn. 3:16; Mt. 6:33)
And there ya have it. Proof that God is faithful and good. Thank you, Jesus, for creating June Hunt and her ministry, and for using her to point us to you. :-) If you're struggling with this, I hope you'll take the time to meditate on what she has to say and more importantly on what God has to say in the Scriptures she's provided. That's what I plan on doing. I'll let you know how it goes. You should let me know how it goes too. :-)
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
The Woes Of Being Single
One of the most frustrating things about being single is the command to be content in it. I can’t tell you how many times people have offered the advice to wait patiently and be content in your singleness thinking that the suggestion would somehow bring comfort to me. Really, though, it’s just become another cliché slogan that people like to pull out of their reserves because they don’t know what else to say. If you’re going to tell me to be content, then could you at least tell me what that actually means, and how to go about doing it? Could you give me an example of someone who actually is content? Because truly, most of the people who give me this advice have never actually had to be content with singleness. Most of them are married or dating, and have never spent more than a few months of their lives since the 7th grade as a single person without any romantic interests. So where does that leave the rest of us who have spent the majority of our lives single? And how do we deal with the fact that we are growing frustrated with the wait? Most of the time it feels like life is just passing us by. Our friends are getting married and having babies, and we are getting left behind because we’ve lost our common ground. We try and make single friends, but well, they end up getting married and having babies too. So who’s left to relate to? Our grandparent’s generation got married at 16, our parent’s generation at 20, and our generation at 22…so really, who can actually understand what it’s like to have to wait so long and be content in it?
Now most of you might stop me and say, “Hey, wait a minute. Isn’t the average marrying age in America 26? You’re only 25…what are you even complaining about?” To that I would say, “Have you ever lived in Kansas? Have you been in the Christian communities here? The average marrying age would be 12 if the law would allow it.” And as for the average age of 26, let’s be real…most of the people in that statistic have already enjoyed MANY of the benefits that God created for marriage far before ever being married: Sex, cohabitation, children, etc. Trying to follow Christ and live a godly life in a world that does not acknowledge Christ or care about the commands that he’s given is HARD, and as a single person it's REALLY HARD and it gets pretty lonely at times. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only virgin on the face of this planet. Yes, it’s true. I’m a 25 year-old virgin. I don’t say this with pride, yet I don’t say it with shame either. I say it knowing that I have only been able to remain pure by the grace of God, and I say it knowing all too well the struggle it is to remain pure in a world that has no boundaries for sexuality and views being a virgin more as pathetic than as virtuous and desirable. So where does this all leave me? Exactly where I’m at. Unwilling to sacrifice my purity for the sake of a good time and unwilling to marry just any man for the sake of being married. Frustrated with the wait, unsure of whether or not God is ever going to give me the precious gift of marriage, feeling trapped in the place where I’m at in life. And yet at the same time, still pursuing Christ, letting him mold me into a godly woman, serving where I can, hoping that God will use this incredibly difficult stage in my life to encourage others and point them to Christ. Have I mentioned how hard this all is?
So with all this said, this is where I’m at. It has its ups, it has its downs. Looking at it from an earthly perspective it probably seems pointless and hopeless---like I really am going to end up a crazy cat lady spinster---but looking at it from an eternal perspective I know that what God has in store for me is far greater than what I have in store for me, and waaaaaaaay better than what the world has in store for me. The struggle is just all part of God’s beautiful plan to use me and my circumstances to glorify Him, and hopefully bring others to Him. And though at times it seems like wickedness in the world pays off far more than holiness, I know that the “happiness” and “fun” (That's code for sin---mostly sex---in case you missed it) that every other single person my age is enjoying is really only destroying them. I don't envy them by any means, because I know that what I have is better. I have Christ...and the sacrifice He made for me and redemption He has given me is of far greater value than a few meaningless relationships and one-night stands.
So now I'm left pondering this: What if my plan for my life isn't God’s plan for my life? What if my desire to marry and have children isn’t God’s desire for me? What then? And in the meantime, while I’m trying to “be content” and figure my life out, what do I do with these verses?
"Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (1 Corinthians 7:8)
"Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. 26Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. 27Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. 28But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. 29What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; 30those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; 31those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away. 32I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. 36If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. 37But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. 38So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better." (1 Corinthians 7: 25-38)
Because when I read this, all I think is "Crap. This is going to ruin my life and all the plans I've had for myself." But in the end, maybe that's the point...
Now most of you might stop me and say, “Hey, wait a minute. Isn’t the average marrying age in America 26? You’re only 25…what are you even complaining about?” To that I would say, “Have you ever lived in Kansas? Have you been in the Christian communities here? The average marrying age would be 12 if the law would allow it.” And as for the average age of 26, let’s be real…most of the people in that statistic have already enjoyed MANY of the benefits that God created for marriage far before ever being married: Sex, cohabitation, children, etc. Trying to follow Christ and live a godly life in a world that does not acknowledge Christ or care about the commands that he’s given is HARD, and as a single person it's REALLY HARD and it gets pretty lonely at times. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only virgin on the face of this planet. Yes, it’s true. I’m a 25 year-old virgin. I don’t say this with pride, yet I don’t say it with shame either. I say it knowing that I have only been able to remain pure by the grace of God, and I say it knowing all too well the struggle it is to remain pure in a world that has no boundaries for sexuality and views being a virgin more as pathetic than as virtuous and desirable. So where does this all leave me? Exactly where I’m at. Unwilling to sacrifice my purity for the sake of a good time and unwilling to marry just any man for the sake of being married. Frustrated with the wait, unsure of whether or not God is ever going to give me the precious gift of marriage, feeling trapped in the place where I’m at in life. And yet at the same time, still pursuing Christ, letting him mold me into a godly woman, serving where I can, hoping that God will use this incredibly difficult stage in my life to encourage others and point them to Christ. Have I mentioned how hard this all is?
So with all this said, this is where I’m at. It has its ups, it has its downs. Looking at it from an earthly perspective it probably seems pointless and hopeless---like I really am going to end up a crazy cat lady spinster---but looking at it from an eternal perspective I know that what God has in store for me is far greater than what I have in store for me, and waaaaaaaay better than what the world has in store for me. The struggle is just all part of God’s beautiful plan to use me and my circumstances to glorify Him, and hopefully bring others to Him. And though at times it seems like wickedness in the world pays off far more than holiness, I know that the “happiness” and “fun” (That's code for sin---mostly sex---in case you missed it) that every other single person my age is enjoying is really only destroying them. I don't envy them by any means, because I know that what I have is better. I have Christ...and the sacrifice He made for me and redemption He has given me is of far greater value than a few meaningless relationships and one-night stands.
So now I'm left pondering this: What if my plan for my life isn't God’s plan for my life? What if my desire to marry and have children isn’t God’s desire for me? What then? And in the meantime, while I’m trying to “be content” and figure my life out, what do I do with these verses?
"Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (1 Corinthians 7:8)
"Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. 26Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. 27Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. 28But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. 29What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; 30those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; 31those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away. 32I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. 36If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. 37But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. 38So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better." (1 Corinthians 7: 25-38)
Because when I read this, all I think is "Crap. This is going to ruin my life and all the plans I've had for myself." But in the end, maybe that's the point...
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Matryoshka Madness
I am absolutely obsessed with matryoshka dolls right now. I love, Love, LOVE them, and I love that they're becoming more popular around the Internet. I seriously spend time googling and browsing Amazon to see if some new adorable find has somehow popped up under my nose, and if it's cute enough and of course reasonably priced, I typically find a way to buy it. :-) Therefore, instead of letting my Internet scrounging go to waste, I thought I'd share some of my adorable finds with you, just in case I'm not the only one who loves the darling little babushkas. Have fun getting sucked into the madness!
Where To Find It: (Because I HATE when people post pictures and don't leave links)
MatryoshKEYS. Amazon. $9.53
Where To Find It: (Because I HATE when people post pictures and don't leave links)
MatryoshKEYS. Amazon. $9.53
Matryoshka Deco Tape. Kawaii For You. $4.95
Masha And Friends Stationary Set. ModCloth. $12.99
Letters To A Little Lady Stationary Set. ModCloth. $23.99A Petite Pinch Of Pepper Mill. ModCloth. $37.99
Nesting Doll Ear Buds. ModCloth. $14.99
Dolled Up Drinks Ice Cube Tray. ModCloth. $9.99
Little Ladies Clip Set. ModCloth.$6.99
Matryoshka Measuring Cups. Urban Outfitters. $12.00
Matryoshka Measuring Spoons. Urban Outfitters. $8.00
Red Matryoshka Insulated Lunch Bag. Kawaii For You. $24.95 Never A Doll Moment Lunch Bag. ModCloth. $18.99
Red Matryoshka Bento Box. Sugar Charms. $17.99
Bento Onigiri Case. Sugar Charms. $17.99 Matryoshka Doll Single Bento Box. J Flair. $11.99
Matryoshka Tea For Two Set. Urban Outfitters. $48.00Sugar Booger Mini Bib Gift Set. Amazon. $12.50
Nesting Dolls Vinyl Wall Decals. Etsy. $16.00
From Russia With Love E-Book Sleeve. Etsy. $17.00
Matryoshka Silk Pillow. Thomas Paul. $70.00P.S. If you sew, check out some of the cute fabrics you can buy here. A little pricey, but simply adorable!
P.S.S. Sorry about the messed up formatting. I'm just too lazy to fix it.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
What We Have Here Is A Failure To Trust...
I have a confession to make. I don’t trust men. I just don’t. I don’t trust them to take care of me. I don’t trust them to care about me. I don’t trust them to lead. I don’t trust them to keep their word. And I especially don’t trust them to stick around. If you are a man, then you already have that fact going against you. It’s not that I don’t trust every man. In fact, there are a lot of good men in my life, especially in my family and at church. But overall, men have only ever seemed to bring me pain---including the good men in my life---and I’ve gotten to the point where I expect pain from them…so how could I possibly trust them? And why should I when none of them have even attempted to prove me wrong?
It’s funny how a few bad childhood experiences can embed themselves so deeply into your heart and mind that they end up controlling your thoughts and actions without you even realizing it. When I was a child, my dad left. No, he didn’t skip town or run off with another woman. But he did move out. And he and my mom split up. They just gave up, really. And even though I later moved in with my dad and had him there supporting me---being a WONDERFUL father---that still doesn’t change the fact that he left our family. And my parent’s act of divorce, it left me with a sense of worthlessness. All I knew was that I alone---and my well-being---was not a good enough reason for them to stay together. So with that experience, I began to accept my dad’s sudden absence and seeming rejection as a truth for all men: A man’s word or commitment guarantees nothing. No matter what he says, he will eventually lose interest in you and he will eventually leave. If he dates you, he’s just going to break up with you. And if you’re lucky enough to find a man who wants to marry you, he’ll still leave you some day. You of course won’t know when. It could even be 18 years down the road like it was with my parents, but he’ll leave nonetheless. A man will never value or love me enough to stay.
What a horrible and hopeless lie to believe. It’s been engrained in me for half my life and I’ve barely even noticed it’s there. It’s driven my thoughts and actions to the point where I let fear drive my relationships, not love. And the greatest tragedy in all of this is the detriment it’s caused to my relationship with God. When we’re children, we think concretely. Our belief of God is essentially determined by the authoritative people in our lives, particularly our parents. I think if we were all to compare our relationship with God to our relationship with our parents, we’d probably find remarkably familiar similarities. So what lies about God do I tend to believe? That He’ll leave me. That I can’t trust Him to always be there. That I can’t approach him out of anger or sadness. That my needs are a burden and annoyance to Him. That I am of little value to Him.
But in all this, there is hope. “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a [wo]man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” (1 Corinthians 13:11-12). I am no longer a child. I no longer have to think concretely. And the best part of all is that who the people that have hurt me are and what they have done is NOT who God is and is NOT what God has done nor will do. God is exactly who says He is and will always do exactly what He says He’s going to do. He never changes. “Be strong and courageous,” he says. “Do not be afraid or terrified because of them” he says. For the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6).
No matter how many men in my life forsake me and abandon me, my God will not. And no matter how little those men value me, the worth they ascribe to me does not determine my value. Though they barely know me and consider me worth mere nickels and dimes, my God knows me fully and has bought and paid for me with His very life. Though they do not pursue me, my God came down to earth to pursue me. He lived and suffered a human life. He was mocked, rejected, beaten, and crucified for my sake. And He did this all willingly because He loves me, wants to redeem me, declare me holy and righteous. “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:45).
So maybe men can’t be trusted. But of I’m honest, neither can I. Because I’m a sinner. Just as they disappoint and hurt others, so will I. But out of all this, I do know one thing for certain: my God CAN be trusted. And the more I know Him and love Him, the more I will become like Him. And the more I become like Him, the more trustworthy I will become and the more forgiving I will become of those who aren’t. So as for now, I choose to trust what God says over what man says and does. And instead of growing bitter and untrusting of men, I will instead choose to forgive and trust even when they don’t deserve it. I will choose to respect them, even when they don't love or respect me. I will let them lead, because it is what God has designed them to do. And I will pray that God will let me see them through His eyes, and love them as He has loved me.
It’s funny that I should even be writing any of this, a mere day after essentially being dumped. I have cried, and I should still be crying, but I have in turn been filled with a joy and peace that can only come from God. He knows me fully and loves me deeply, both because of who I am and in spite of who I am. But I, I only know Him in part, and I only see Him in part…and I am already overwhelmed by His goodness and mercy. I simply can not wait until the day that I will get to see Him face to face and truly know Him in all His glory. His love is far greater than any love I have known or ever will know, and with that I am fully content.
It’s funny how a few bad childhood experiences can embed themselves so deeply into your heart and mind that they end up controlling your thoughts and actions without you even realizing it. When I was a child, my dad left. No, he didn’t skip town or run off with another woman. But he did move out. And he and my mom split up. They just gave up, really. And even though I later moved in with my dad and had him there supporting me---being a WONDERFUL father---that still doesn’t change the fact that he left our family. And my parent’s act of divorce, it left me with a sense of worthlessness. All I knew was that I alone---and my well-being---was not a good enough reason for them to stay together. So with that experience, I began to accept my dad’s sudden absence and seeming rejection as a truth for all men: A man’s word or commitment guarantees nothing. No matter what he says, he will eventually lose interest in you and he will eventually leave. If he dates you, he’s just going to break up with you. And if you’re lucky enough to find a man who wants to marry you, he’ll still leave you some day. You of course won’t know when. It could even be 18 years down the road like it was with my parents, but he’ll leave nonetheless. A man will never value or love me enough to stay.
What a horrible and hopeless lie to believe. It’s been engrained in me for half my life and I’ve barely even noticed it’s there. It’s driven my thoughts and actions to the point where I let fear drive my relationships, not love. And the greatest tragedy in all of this is the detriment it’s caused to my relationship with God. When we’re children, we think concretely. Our belief of God is essentially determined by the authoritative people in our lives, particularly our parents. I think if we were all to compare our relationship with God to our relationship with our parents, we’d probably find remarkably familiar similarities. So what lies about God do I tend to believe? That He’ll leave me. That I can’t trust Him to always be there. That I can’t approach him out of anger or sadness. That my needs are a burden and annoyance to Him. That I am of little value to Him.
But in all this, there is hope. “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a [wo]man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” (1 Corinthians 13:11-12). I am no longer a child. I no longer have to think concretely. And the best part of all is that who the people that have hurt me are and what they have done is NOT who God is and is NOT what God has done nor will do. God is exactly who says He is and will always do exactly what He says He’s going to do. He never changes. “Be strong and courageous,” he says. “Do not be afraid or terrified because of them” he says. For the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6).
No matter how many men in my life forsake me and abandon me, my God will not. And no matter how little those men value me, the worth they ascribe to me does not determine my value. Though they barely know me and consider me worth mere nickels and dimes, my God knows me fully and has bought and paid for me with His very life. Though they do not pursue me, my God came down to earth to pursue me. He lived and suffered a human life. He was mocked, rejected, beaten, and crucified for my sake. And He did this all willingly because He loves me, wants to redeem me, declare me holy and righteous. “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:45).
So maybe men can’t be trusted. But of I’m honest, neither can I. Because I’m a sinner. Just as they disappoint and hurt others, so will I. But out of all this, I do know one thing for certain: my God CAN be trusted. And the more I know Him and love Him, the more I will become like Him. And the more I become like Him, the more trustworthy I will become and the more forgiving I will become of those who aren’t. So as for now, I choose to trust what God says over what man says and does. And instead of growing bitter and untrusting of men, I will instead choose to forgive and trust even when they don’t deserve it. I will choose to respect them, even when they don't love or respect me. I will let them lead, because it is what God has designed them to do. And I will pray that God will let me see them through His eyes, and love them as He has loved me.
It’s funny that I should even be writing any of this, a mere day after essentially being dumped. I have cried, and I should still be crying, but I have in turn been filled with a joy and peace that can only come from God. He knows me fully and loves me deeply, both because of who I am and in spite of who I am. But I, I only know Him in part, and I only see Him in part…and I am already overwhelmed by His goodness and mercy. I simply can not wait until the day that I will get to see Him face to face and truly know Him in all His glory. His love is far greater than any love I have known or ever will know, and with that I am fully content.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Do Not Judge, Or You Too Will Be Judged
It wasn't long ago that the most quoted verse in the Bible was John 3:16. "For God so loved the world," it says, "that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." What a beautiful verse. What a message---of hope, love, and salvation. If everyone in the world were to hear and know just one verse in the Bible, may that be it. And yet this verse that gives us such hope is no longer the most quoted verse in the Bible. Wanna know what is? Matthew 7:1. Do you know it? It says, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged." How sad that this has taken place of the Gospel. How sad that so many perceive this verse as a necessary weapon to ward off Christians, or to label them as a whole. And how sad that so many Christians deem it so important to prove that they're not judgemental and in turn sacrifice the Gospel to do so.
This last Summer I went on a missions trip to Chicago with the youth group, and of all my time there there is one event that I will never forget. We were all split into groups one afternoon and sent out into the city on a mission in which we had to find a meal with only $2 to spend. We were also supposed to go around in our designated neighborhood and ask the people there their thoughts about it. My kids and I were assigned to Lakeside, a predominantly homosexual neighborhood, and we were assigned the day before pride week began nonetheless. As we were walking down the street we met a man named Rod. By "met" I suppose I probably mean more of "stumbled upon" as it was midafternoon and he was already totally and completely wasted. He stopped us to ask if we knew where the hospital was. Being visitors we of course did not, and he began to walk on. But as he walked on he also began to wander into the street, into traffic, and this struck concern into us. This guy was drunk and was probably going to get hit by a car. So we called him back to us and started talking to him while Doug, one of our pastors, called around to different shelters to see if Rod could stay somewhere until he slept off the booze.
The amazing thing about drunkenness is that if someone has enough booze in them, they'll tell you ANYTHING. With a little prodding, Rod began to tell us about himself. He was visiting from Phoenix and staying with a guy he met online. However, with him being drunk he didn't remember where he was actually staying and he kept saying he couldn't call anyone because the phone in his pocket wasn't his. The more he talked, the more he spilled, and it wasn't long before his insecurities came bursting forth. He starting talking---nearly crying---about how he was old (only 27) and fat (not really), and no man would ever love him, and how much he just wanted to die. He told us about how his older brother used to molest him and how his parents had essentially disowned him because of his homosexual lifestyle. He told us that just earlier that day someone had come up to him and told him he was an abomination and that he was going to hell. And this, my friends, is where things began to change in the interaction.
Throughout his story he kept intermittently asking us why we were helping him. He didn't understand it. Everyone else walked right past him or ran away scared, yet there we were talking to him, trying to keep him from wandering off and getting hurt. He was amazed by this. But then THE question came that turned things around. After he had told us about the people who called him an abomination, he asked me if I myself thought homosexuality is a sin. I answered with hesitation, but also with honesty, and said "Well, I do believe it's a sin." He immediately shut down. "I don't like you anymore," he said. "You need to go to church. Go away." And he repeated this several times. I kept asking him why he didn't like me anymore. After all, I liked him. And I tried to explain to him that I believe pride is a sin too, and murder, and lust, and so on. I tried to explain that we're all sinners and to tell him of God's love for all of us. But he just didn't want to talk to me anymore. So he walked off. But he didn't get very far, because as he was going down the sidewalk he stumbled against an open gate and fell down with a crash, disappearing from view as he fell into someone's yard. We ran to help him up, took the liquor from his hand and dumped it out, and stayed with him while Doug continued to find a place for him to go. We didn't really get anywhere from there, and eventually we had to send him off with a policeman for the sake of his own safety. He probably hated us for that, but I hope he understands someday. And I hope one day he'll realize how much God loves him.
This experience spoke loudly to me of Matthew 7:1, of the misconception that is often held concerning the words "Do not judge, or you too will be judged." There is a vast difference between being judgemental and judging something as being right or wrong, and a lot of people tend to confuse the two. It is not wrong to call something that God declares to be a sin, a sin. It is, however, wrong to declare it out of pride, with the belief that you are better than them because of the sin they committed. I can honestly say that when I told Rod homosexuality is a sin, it was not done with pride but out of love. I do not think I am better than Rod. I feel for him. If I were him, had lived his life, and had gone through the terrible things that he's gone through, I would probably struggle with the same things.
Rod, like many people, automatically judged a statement of truth to be a judgemental statement. He believed me to be judgemental because I said it. But really, he reacted so strongly and negatively to it because of the guilt that it made him feel. No one wants to feel guilty. No one likes to feel guilty. But when sin is in our lives, we all need to feel guilty, because we need repentence and redemption from that sin. That guilt is the working of the Holy Spirit to lead us to Him. This is why I honestly believe that me telling him that homosexuality is a sin was a loving thing to do, despite the fact that it was perceived as judgemental. Rod believes that his sexuality is his identity. Being gay is "who he is." Society condones his sin. It encourages him to embrace it. To not be ashamed of it. To continue in a lifestyle that is clearly destroying him. People think they're doing good by condoning homosexuality and accepting people for "who they are." The problem is that that is not who they are, and condoning it is not what's best for them. Condoning sin does not offer them healing, it just pushes them deeper into a lifestyle that is harming them.
Now if I were to just go around telling people that there is sin in their lives---pointing out condemnation without hope---then that too would do not good and in it itself is not a loving thing to do. Because whenever we point out sin we must also point out the grace that is given to us through the blood of Jesus Christ. So is Rod's homosexual lifestyle a sin? Yes. And is it okay to tell him that? If you truly care for him and are seeking to offer hope, then yes. But remember that Rod is also not just a gay man. He is so much more and doesn't even know it. He is a man who is created in the image of God and loved completely and wholly by God. Christ died to save him, and if Rod were the only person alive on this earth, God still would have layed down His life for him so that he would be made righteous, so that he could be healed and made whole, so that he could live eternally with Christ. So whenever you come across someone whose actions or beliefs you disapprove of, remember that just as Christ died for you and me (who by the way are also SINNERS), he also died for the homosexual, the adulterer, the murderer, the terrorist. He died for the Muslim and the Jew, the Hindu and the Buddhist. Christ died for all of us, but we are also each responsible for accepting that free gift of salvation, and sometimes the first step to leading a person to that point is to point out sin...to declare the very law that Christ himself died to set us free from---because we need to know that we need to be saved from it.
So if you are a Christian and reading this, I beg of you not to shy away from taking a stance on these things. Don't shy away from speaking God's truth into the lives of others just because you are afraid of being labeled as "judgemental." As a Christian you are called to love in spite of sin, but you are also called to judge what is right from what is wrong and to keep others accountable for their actions. And remember that sometimes you are doing far worse when you say nothing at all than you would be if you were to say something that might be perceived wrongly. After all, it's not about you. It's not about what people think of you. It's about loving God and loving others. And sometimes (though not in all circumstances) the most loving thing you can do for a person is to tell them exactly what they don't want to hear...because when it concerns the Gospel, it's what they need to hear.
This last Summer I went on a missions trip to Chicago with the youth group, and of all my time there there is one event that I will never forget. We were all split into groups one afternoon and sent out into the city on a mission in which we had to find a meal with only $2 to spend. We were also supposed to go around in our designated neighborhood and ask the people there their thoughts about it. My kids and I were assigned to Lakeside, a predominantly homosexual neighborhood, and we were assigned the day before pride week began nonetheless. As we were walking down the street we met a man named Rod. By "met" I suppose I probably mean more of "stumbled upon" as it was midafternoon and he was already totally and completely wasted. He stopped us to ask if we knew where the hospital was. Being visitors we of course did not, and he began to walk on. But as he walked on he also began to wander into the street, into traffic, and this struck concern into us. This guy was drunk and was probably going to get hit by a car. So we called him back to us and started talking to him while Doug, one of our pastors, called around to different shelters to see if Rod could stay somewhere until he slept off the booze.
The amazing thing about drunkenness is that if someone has enough booze in them, they'll tell you ANYTHING. With a little prodding, Rod began to tell us about himself. He was visiting from Phoenix and staying with a guy he met online. However, with him being drunk he didn't remember where he was actually staying and he kept saying he couldn't call anyone because the phone in his pocket wasn't his. The more he talked, the more he spilled, and it wasn't long before his insecurities came bursting forth. He starting talking---nearly crying---about how he was old (only 27) and fat (not really), and no man would ever love him, and how much he just wanted to die. He told us about how his older brother used to molest him and how his parents had essentially disowned him because of his homosexual lifestyle. He told us that just earlier that day someone had come up to him and told him he was an abomination and that he was going to hell. And this, my friends, is where things began to change in the interaction.
Throughout his story he kept intermittently asking us why we were helping him. He didn't understand it. Everyone else walked right past him or ran away scared, yet there we were talking to him, trying to keep him from wandering off and getting hurt. He was amazed by this. But then THE question came that turned things around. After he had told us about the people who called him an abomination, he asked me if I myself thought homosexuality is a sin. I answered with hesitation, but also with honesty, and said "Well, I do believe it's a sin." He immediately shut down. "I don't like you anymore," he said. "You need to go to church. Go away." And he repeated this several times. I kept asking him why he didn't like me anymore. After all, I liked him. And I tried to explain to him that I believe pride is a sin too, and murder, and lust, and so on. I tried to explain that we're all sinners and to tell him of God's love for all of us. But he just didn't want to talk to me anymore. So he walked off. But he didn't get very far, because as he was going down the sidewalk he stumbled against an open gate and fell down with a crash, disappearing from view as he fell into someone's yard. We ran to help him up, took the liquor from his hand and dumped it out, and stayed with him while Doug continued to find a place for him to go. We didn't really get anywhere from there, and eventually we had to send him off with a policeman for the sake of his own safety. He probably hated us for that, but I hope he understands someday. And I hope one day he'll realize how much God loves him.
This experience spoke loudly to me of Matthew 7:1, of the misconception that is often held concerning the words "Do not judge, or you too will be judged." There is a vast difference between being judgemental and judging something as being right or wrong, and a lot of people tend to confuse the two. It is not wrong to call something that God declares to be a sin, a sin. It is, however, wrong to declare it out of pride, with the belief that you are better than them because of the sin they committed. I can honestly say that when I told Rod homosexuality is a sin, it was not done with pride but out of love. I do not think I am better than Rod. I feel for him. If I were him, had lived his life, and had gone through the terrible things that he's gone through, I would probably struggle with the same things.
Rod, like many people, automatically judged a statement of truth to be a judgemental statement. He believed me to be judgemental because I said it. But really, he reacted so strongly and negatively to it because of the guilt that it made him feel. No one wants to feel guilty. No one likes to feel guilty. But when sin is in our lives, we all need to feel guilty, because we need repentence and redemption from that sin. That guilt is the working of the Holy Spirit to lead us to Him. This is why I honestly believe that me telling him that homosexuality is a sin was a loving thing to do, despite the fact that it was perceived as judgemental. Rod believes that his sexuality is his identity. Being gay is "who he is." Society condones his sin. It encourages him to embrace it. To not be ashamed of it. To continue in a lifestyle that is clearly destroying him. People think they're doing good by condoning homosexuality and accepting people for "who they are." The problem is that that is not who they are, and condoning it is not what's best for them. Condoning sin does not offer them healing, it just pushes them deeper into a lifestyle that is harming them.
Now if I were to just go around telling people that there is sin in their lives---pointing out condemnation without hope---then that too would do not good and in it itself is not a loving thing to do. Because whenever we point out sin we must also point out the grace that is given to us through the blood of Jesus Christ. So is Rod's homosexual lifestyle a sin? Yes. And is it okay to tell him that? If you truly care for him and are seeking to offer hope, then yes. But remember that Rod is also not just a gay man. He is so much more and doesn't even know it. He is a man who is created in the image of God and loved completely and wholly by God. Christ died to save him, and if Rod were the only person alive on this earth, God still would have layed down His life for him so that he would be made righteous, so that he could be healed and made whole, so that he could live eternally with Christ. So whenever you come across someone whose actions or beliefs you disapprove of, remember that just as Christ died for you and me (who by the way are also SINNERS), he also died for the homosexual, the adulterer, the murderer, the terrorist. He died for the Muslim and the Jew, the Hindu and the Buddhist. Christ died for all of us, but we are also each responsible for accepting that free gift of salvation, and sometimes the first step to leading a person to that point is to point out sin...to declare the very law that Christ himself died to set us free from---because we need to know that we need to be saved from it.
So if you are a Christian and reading this, I beg of you not to shy away from taking a stance on these things. Don't shy away from speaking God's truth into the lives of others just because you are afraid of being labeled as "judgemental." As a Christian you are called to love in spite of sin, but you are also called to judge what is right from what is wrong and to keep others accountable for their actions. And remember that sometimes you are doing far worse when you say nothing at all than you would be if you were to say something that might be perceived wrongly. After all, it's not about you. It's not about what people think of you. It's about loving God and loving others. And sometimes (though not in all circumstances) the most loving thing you can do for a person is to tell them exactly what they don't want to hear...because when it concerns the Gospel, it's what they need to hear.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
