The Wandering Gentile: October 2012

This is something that’s been on my heart for a while, and even though I’m taking a lot of risk in posting it (because there are people in my life who I pray will not be angered or driven away by this), I feel like it needs to be addressed. If you’re a homosexual, please just know that I love you (you know who you are!) and that this is not a personal attack, but rather a concern that the world never seems to address, and all I really want to do is point out truth and to hear truth from others. So after you read this, whether you’re gay or straight, please give me your honest feedback (in a loving way, please) as to what I’ve written here. I’d love to hear your story, or if I’m wrong in something I’d love to be corrected with the truth. This is just my attempt to speak the truth in love and to question what I’ve been told for most of my life from the media, schools, and the like.

Time and time again, I see the homosexual community and the world at large insisting that being gay is “who they are.” What bothers me about this statement is that gay men and women and the people around them are believing that that’s their SOLE identity---that that’s ALL that they are. Now, I can’t even possibly fathom the struggles that come with being gay, but as a straight person this perspective is hard for me to understand because my sexuality has never been a large part of my identity. It’s a small part of who I am, miniscule even, but it’s certainly not nor has it ever been my entire identity. So if people expected me to act or look a certain way because I’m straight, or to listen to a certain kind of music, or to go to specific clubs, or to talk and dress a certain way, I would be incredibly offended. I mean, excuse me, there’s more to me than the fact that I’m straight. So why is it okay to treat the homosexual community like there’s nothing more to them than their sexuality---as if that’s the most important thing we could possibly learn about them---as if there couldn’t possibly be more depth to them than the stereotype that is broadcast to us in every single t.v. show and movie with a homosexual as part of the cast. Why does Oscar in accounting have to be referred to as the gay guy in the office? Why can’t he just be Oscar the accountant? After all, no one would ever refer to me as Tiffany the straight girl in the office, would they? No, I would just be Tiffany.

So are we really doing the gay community any favors by saying that their sexuality encompasses “who they are?” I really don’t think so. And as a Christian, I think this mentality is only hurting my friends and loved ones---because who they are is first and foremost a beloved child of God. There is more to them than just being gay.

Which brings me to ask a question that just really breaks my heart: What if in affirming the gay community’s identity as solely their sexuality we are actually keeping them from healing? I don’t believe people are born gay, nor do I believe they choose to be gay. In fact, I think there are multiple factors that can lead up to a person adopting a gay identity and lifestyle, and I believe they’re more common than anyone would like to admit. For example, sexual abuse has a major role in homosexuality. I read a testimony the other day on thepinkcross.org of a young man who was molested multiple times by another man at the age of 9 and who eventually got into the gay porn business because sex with a man was all he ever knew. And honestly, it only makes sense that a boy who was sexually abused by another man would respond in such a way, just as it makes sense that a young girl who was molested or raped by a man would eventually become a lesbian and display an utter inability to be attracted to a man or to ever be able to trust a man. The same goes for someone who grew up in a home with an overbearing and unloving mother or father. If a man grows up with a bitter, nagging mother and witnesses an unhappy marriage between his parents where his mother essentially emasculates his father, why would he ever want to be in a relationship with a woman and especially get married? That’s all he’s ever known. The same goes for a girl with a controlling or abusive father who has never seen anything but a destructive male-female relationship. Why would she want that? It’s easy to believe that the brokenness that you grew up in is all that you’ll ever know---it’s easy to believe that there’s not something better out there for you, and unless someone gives you hope either by example or through words of truth, you’re never going to aim for something that you believe can’t be attained. And last, what if you grew up in a family where your masculinity or femininity was never affirmed? Where your father constantly called you a sissy because you weren’t athletic enough or big and strong enough or your mother constantly fretted because you weren’t in cheerleading or beauty pageants, but rather basketball and softball? What does that do to a child other than to lead them to the conclusion that there’s something wrong with them, that they’re not man enough for a woman to want to be with them or woman enough for a man to want to be with them.

Now I couldn’t possibly know if this is the case for all homosexuals, but I know that it is for some, and that is enough for me to be completely brokenhearted at the fact that instead of bringing them to a place of healing and wholeness, we’re only affirming the lies that they already believe about themselves. It just makes me wonder, how many people are living a lifestyle that they don’t even WANT to be living? How many people are feeling trapped because they’re told that that’s who they are, and that instead of seeking help they should take pride in it? How many people are actually feeling so much pressure from the homosexual community to take pride in their homosexuality, that they are actually repressing any attraction that they really do have towards the opposite sex? And if sexual abuse really is a large factor, then how sad is it that so many people aren’t getting the help that they need? I mean, have you seen our current sexual abuse statistics? It is not pretty, people, and it’s only gotten worse over the last few decades. A little over 40% of incidents happen under the age of 18---when they are CHILDREN---and over half of all incidents are never reported. 1 in every 6 women is sexually abused in their lifetime. 1 in 6. If 1 in 6 women ended up becoming a lesbian, I wouldn’t be surprised nor would I blame them, because if I had to go through that hell I’d never want to trust a man again either. And as for men, they only make up 3% of the statistic, but let’s face it, it’s probably a much larger number simply because men are going to be a lot less likely to report it because of the stigma attached to it. If it happened in your childhood, why would you report something that happened so long ago that it can’t even be tried in court anymore, and even if it were, you’d probably lose the case. And if you’re a grown man, you’re already humiliated enough by the fact that you were raped, why go humiliate yourself further by calling the police? So what if in all of this, being gay is neither a matter of being born gay nor of choosing to be, but rather a matter of, in many cases, healing the wounds of the past?

The reason I write this is so that people will merely question what they’re being told and what they believe. After all, as a Christian, society is CONSTANTLY telling me to question what I believe, so why can’t I question what the world is telling YOU to believe without being dubbed a judgmental, bigoted, hateful person? What if there is more to homosexuality than simply being born that way, as we’re all often told? What if a person’s sexuality ISN’T their identity? What if by encouraging the present lives of some we’re refusing them healing from the past? What if a gay person who doesn’t want to be gay really doesn’t have to be gay forever? And for the Christian community, what if some of the sins we are so apt to point our finger at are really not an intentional choice, but rather the result of being sinned against? What if no one’s ever told that gay person in your life that God really can heal all wounds and that through Christ you really can overcome all sin? What if no one’s ever told them that they’re first and foremost a child of God, that they are loved by God, and that there is no sin that God can not forgive---that He hasn’t ALREADY forgiven through the blood of Jesus? What if no one’s ever told them that they can have new life in Christ? Or that there is simply HOPE? Or that whether you’re gay or straight, God still wants to have a relationship with you? That you don’t have to stop being gay for Him to love you?

There is a passage in the Bible that many Christians try to throw in the face of homosexuals to cast further judgment on them. That verse is 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, which says “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor male prostitutes, nor homosexual offenders, nor thieves, nor the greedy nor drunkards, nor slanderers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.” But I ask my fellow Christians, have we forgotten what the next two verses say? Are those no longer important in your quest to prove to them that they’re in sin? Why aren’t you reading the part where it says, “And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” Have we forgotten the hope that is in this passage? Have we forgotten that there is now no condemnation through our Lord Jesus Christ? Why spend so much time trying to prove to the world that homosexuality is a sin when you could easily prove that whether you are gay or straight, we are ALL sinners in need of saving. That is the very point of the verse you’re throwing in their faces. Every single human being on this planet falls into one of the categories of those who will not inherit the kingdom of heaven. In our hearts, each and every one of use either now or in the past has at some point been sexually immoral, an idolater, an adulterer, a prostitute, a homosexual offender, a thief, greedy, a drunkard, a slanderer, or a swindler. All you’re doing is telling people to clean themselves up so that God will love them and completely missing the Gospel message, which is that God ALREADY loves you and took it upon Himself to pay for YOUR sins so that you can have a relationship with Him. That through Christ you can have new life. Everything that you used to be you will no longer be in the eyes of God---He will do the cleaning up in your life. He will do the transforming. And as you come to understand His love and grace more and more, you will be compelled by your love for God to obey His commands. When you come to know Jesus, the only outcome is for you to be completely and utterly changed---that’s just what naturally happens when you enter into a relationship with the God of the universe. So please, I beg of you Christians, stop blocking people from eternal life and a fulfilling and all-encompassing relationship with God with your out of context passages and false stipulations and your judgment. Just stop it. The only people who you are given biblical permission to hold accountable for their sins (aside from bringing justice through the governmental law) are your fellow believers---the people who already know Christ. And if someone who is a Christian is struggling through this, then pointing your finger at them won't help them, will it?

So whoever is reading this, I hope the last thing that is communicated in this is judgment. This is really just an instance in which the psychologist part of me and the Christian whole of me are trying to converge and truly understand homosexuality. Sometimes God gives me a burning desire to speak the truth in love about issues and if I don't courageously speak out---or write it out in this instance---it will gnaw at me until I do. This post has already been gnawing at me for months and it's time for it to "come out." Please understand that to obey God in this instance and post something like this comes at great cost to me---there are friends in my life who are very important to me and that I care very deeply for who could easily take offense at this, but I pray they do not. I pray that they are already able to see that I must stand firm in my faith no matter what the issue, and I pray that they will be just as accepting of me as a person despite my beliefs as they would be of anyone else. Even more so, I pray that my life is already enough of a testimony of God's love and acceptance that this post doesn't even bother them. So if you are gay, I hope you know that God loves you and that I love and care for you as well, and that that love and care is not dependent on your sexuality but rather on God's love and grace. If I can communicate only one thing to you in this, I hope it is this---that you are loved and accepted by God through Christ. That is the most important thing that could possibly be communicated to you in this entire world, but I do also hope that this post gets people to question what they’re being told---to just stop and think that if there are indeed evil forces in the world, what better way to keep people from knowing God than by abusing them, making sure that they never heal, misplacing their identity, making them feel as though they are trapped, and in turn dashing all hope from their lives that God has something better for them. And if they are already a Christian, what better way to keep them from living the full Christian life than to make them believe that God isn't powerful enough to heal their hearts and overcome their struggles and sins. I pray that eyes are opened---and that includes my own eyes---to the truth of this much-debated issue, and I invite anybody to comment or personally message me their thoughts and feelings.