Exposed.

Last night I spent some time reading Psalm 119 and found myself taken aback by the heart of this unknown and mysterious author. His passion and love for God is demonstrated by his hunger and thirst for His law. He says things like “I open my mouth and pant, longing for your commands” (v. 131) and “Oh, how I love your law! I meditate on it all day long.” “My soul is consumed with longing for your laws at all times.” "I will speak of your statutes before kings and will not be put to shame, for I delight in your commands because I love them." This man loved the law, and here I am after reading this, the darkness of my own heart exposed to the world, realizing that what this man loves I often despise. I am not panting for the Lord’s commands. If anything, I often resent them, and having had to suffer through reading Leviticus, I especially can’t imagine myself having an attitude of delight towards the laws abounding within it. Oh yes, I do my best to follow the Lord’s commands, but my heart does not always delight in them like this man’s does, especially not to the same extent of his. The words of this Psalmist have laid my heart bare. What good is my obedience if my heart does not delight in it? What good are my works if they’re done only in vain?

This Psalmist prays a prayer that has been mine for months. In verse 34 he pleads a simple request: “Give me understanding.” I’ve been praying this over and over and truly God has given me far more understanding than I had ever anticipated. Understanding of God’s character and faithfulness. Understanding of His love and His constant desire for what is best for me. Understanding of the world around me through study of philosophy, science, history, and religion, and in the end He has given me an intense clarity and the blessed assurance that Jesus Christ truly is the way, the truth, and the life. I know that both in my head and my heart without a shadow of a doubt. And yet I can’t help but think that though God answered my prayer, He has also revealed to me that much of it was in vain. Sure, I prayed for understanding, but look at the rest of this Psalmist’s earnest prayer. Mine was nothing of the sort.

“Give me understanding and I will keep your law and obey it with all my heart. Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight. Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain. Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word. Fulfill your promise to your servant, so that you may be feared. Take away the disgrace I dread, for your laws are good. How I long for your precepts! Preserve my life in your righteousness.” (34-40)

Trust me, because I’m speaking from a vast amount of experience here---understanding with your mind is completely worthless unless you also understand with your heart, and it is made even more worthless if in your understanding you don’t even seek to obey what God Himself has revealed to you. What good is hearing if you will not listen? What good is knowing if you will not act? Knowing ABOUT God is absolutely worthless in comparison to knowing God, and being able to know God and have a relationship with Him through faith in Christ is what makes Christianity truly unique among all of the other world religions. I’ve met far too many people on a quest for knowledge who have studied anything and everything and yet never realized that if they call upon the name of the Lord, He will reveal Himself to them. They could not fathom that in their search for evidence for God, God has offered them the best evidence of all---Himself. He is always waiting, always pursuing. And yet so many of us use our studies of even Scripture itself as a way to avoid God. And yet truly, I've learned time and time again through my own failings that the character and presence of God is far greater than any amount of head knowledge you could ever possibly possess. The Psalmist understood this, and though I understood this in my head, I did not believe it in my heart. I deceived myself, as I often do, into believing that something other than God Himself would bring me fulfillment.

Hebrews 4:12-13 is absolutely true. “For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.”

God saw the motives of my heart, and yet He answered my prayer anyway, knowing that I too would eventually realize my motives. The power of God’s word never ceases to amaze me. It penetrates my soul, convicts me, and changes me. It is the only literature I have ever read that has such an effect on me, and is evidence of the goodness, power, and active work of God in its ability to do so.