Mawwiage...Is What Bwings Us Togethaaaa...Today.

I’ve read my fair share of dating books. An embarrassing fact, but a true one nonetheless. I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Date Or Soul Mate. Your Knight In Shining Armor: Discovering Your Lifelong Love. Passion And Purity. When God Writes Your Love Story. Boundaries In Dating. Lady In Waiting. Marriable. For Women Only. And The Bride Wore White. Annndddd….unfortunately, the list goes on. (Please, for the sake of my dignity, realize that these have all been read over a ten year time span.) The saddest part about all this is not that I have read all of these and still remain unmarried, but that I ever had to turn to a book at all to a) know what the ideal I was to aim for should be and to b) have a godly example to follow. Looking back, I can’t help but ask where all the adults were in my life to explain these things. Was I supposed to magically know how to go about dating in a biblical way? Was I supposed to somehow know what a good marriage is supposed to be like despite the fact that my own parents’ marriage, along with countless others around me, dissolved right before my eyes? How could I have known if nobody told me? Why didn’t anybody ever sit me down and just talk with me about these things? I can honestly say that the majority of what I learned about dating, sex, and marriage as a teenager and young adult was learned from television, school, friends, books (Thankfully, the Bible was one of them!), and observation. Not from my parents. Not from my pastors. Not from family members. Not from a mentor of any sort. But mostly from culture. I don’t know if any of you have ever noticed the state of our culture, but this isn’t exactly the best place to get advice from. Truly, I can’t even tell the difference between MTV and Animal Planet anymore, and yet these are the very entities that we are allowing to infiltrate the minds of our young people and teach them what is right from what is wrong, what is true from what is a lie. Television is the very LAST thing that any young person should have to turn to to learn about topics as vastly important as dating, sex, marriage, and family. And yet, it IS where they’re learning about it. And that wouldn’t be so bad if an adult in their life were teaching them what is true from what is a lie, how things are meant to be and how they are not meant to be, and why God’s word and His way is better than the alternative at all. But the sad truth is that they aren’t. No one is taking the time to get to know these young people and no one is making the effort to speak the truth in love, and they are utterly and completely lost as a result.

How do I know this is so? Because I see it in the church. I see it in the schools. I see it in my own friends and family. I see it in myself. From the time we were born, we have most likely been taught not to question. We are taught that this is the way things are, and they are that way because someone says they are. You can ask how, when, where, and who, but don’t you dare ask why. Kid: Why should I clean my room? Parent: Because I said so. Kid: Why does 2 + 2 = 4? Teacher: Because it just does. Kid: Why is stealing wrong? Pastor: Because the Bible says so.

“Why” is a dangerous question. It requires us to think deeply, it requires us to search for answers, and most of all it requires the person we ask to reveal themselves. It requires them to either admit their ignorance, to admit their motives, or to actually take the time to seek and teach understanding. Few are willing to do any of these, including ourselves, and because of this, many of us are left mindlessly pursuing ideals without even knowing the very foundation on which they are built. Just the other day I was discussing marriage with a friend. He was talking about how he had lost all hope in marriage. That he was coming to discover that all the people he thought had good marriages don’t. He wondered how he could possibly fare any better in marriage if even they are barely keeping it together. Upon further discussion, he revealed that he used to think he knew what the purpose of marriage is, but as it turns out he doesn’t. Then, as I attempted to explain what I thought it was, I realized that I barely knew either. How sad. I’ve read countless books on dating and marriage, and I have yet to read one that states plain and simply “This is why God created marriage. This is why it exists. This is why it is good.” Is it just me, or is it pathetic that so little of us even bother to ask such a question before we begin pursuing marriage, or in some cases give up on pursuing it?

So what, then, is the purpose of marriage? Why should I do it at all? Well, the beautiful thing about asking why in this case, is that I get to ask the one who created it, and when he reveals His reasons to me He also reveals Himself. He is the one person I can ask who is not ignorant, not lazy, and does not have impure motives. This is gonna be good. :) But before I post about what God’s purposes are (which will indeed be my next post), as He has revealed them to me thus far, I want to share with you what the world’s purposes are. I searched several forums that asked the same question and was greatly saddened that no one even remotely knew the answer. This is what the world had to say about what the purpose of marriage is:

“It’s been like this for ages and benefits men more than women.......back in the early days of marriage, men would come to villages and steal daughters and make them work on the fields for them, etc. Eventually, this was not tolerated by the fathers of these daughters and sometimes they would run away so it became more civilized.....they would have children so they had labor to work on their fields.
Familia in latin means slave. Did an anthro paper on this.....marriage has always benefitted men more than women.”

“Marriage is just a physical way to 'seal the deal.' It's just for couples to prove their devotion to one another in front of their country and in the eyes of God (depending on whether or not they are religious). The "physical" part of marriage is things like sharing family names and combined finances and assets. Many people may say that marriage is just a piece of paper but it does have a purpose. There is a reason why it is so important to so many people and cultures. The Homosexual society wouldn't be fighting so hard for the right to it if it was not important. Marriage isn't very regarded by people in the 21st century as much as it used to be. It just depends on the kind of person you are and whether you feel that is has a purpose. If a person believes that there is no purpose to marriage it just means that marriage is not a priority for them personally. Finding the purpose in marriage is up to you and your beliefs about love and relationships.”

“It's different for different people and for people in different roles. For me, personally, my marriage is about stating to friends, family, and the world, my commitment to my wife.

The church got involved with marriage a few centuries back as a way of getting more control over people. Governments followed suit as they separated more from the church. I recently read a theory that one of the benefits of marriage to a society is that it gives men a reason to succeed With a wife and kids at home, they're given a drive to get up every morning and go to work. They note that societies which have followed this pattern have advanced quickly where others have not. As you might imagine, some people get royally pissed off by this theory.”

“I really dont know !!!!!!!!!!!”

“The purpose of marriage is to completely fudge yourself over in life.”

“For 2 separate people, (Man & Women) to become 1 in Gods eyes. This way when you create children they are not Bastards. Before I get screamed at for saying that. Look it up. A Bastard is a Child born to a woman who is not Married.”

“Originally, to claim your woman and to make sure that no single guy gets a chance to have all the women and have them shared equally. Kinda like a socialist safety net, except with women counting as property. Then the feminists came and tried making it so that no one would own anyone. Since that failed, the only way to bring equality would be to make it so that the woman would simultaneously claim and own her man as he did her. So now both the man and the woman own each other, which is how equality works. Basically it’s a safety net so that no one ends up being all alone and has a sex partner here and there.”

“To ruin a man's life. People marry because they believe they are "in love" and it is the right thing to do. But look at the divorce rates, it is not love, it is lust and natural instinct to mate. Only true love is between a child and a parent, that is REAL and unconditional. Humans are mammals, we are meant to breed and move on, but society doesn't deem this appropriate.”

“It’s bullsh*t, marriage…I think people should be happy just living together and not having the whole wedding and husband thing...wish i knew that before i got married..but some cultures you cannot live with someone (hence why i got married)..but it’s over now and won't do it again :)”

“Marriage seals a relationship. Safeguards it and secures it. Marriage is very important if you wish to lead a healthy and a faithful life. Why? Because there would always be someone you would have by your side.”

“My guess would be to set up a secure environment for raising children. Plus it is also a rite of passage that sticks in the memories of all the family for decades to come.”

“Traditionally, so that men would have to provide for the children they fathered. Today, it makes no sense to me. I doubt I'll ever marry.”

“So you can be on health insurance plans? ...otherwise it is just a custom, you can live together your whole life and be just as happy, that little piece of paper just entitles you to certain things.”

“To be with the one u love forever, sharing special moments with them and having their company and love all the time. To start a family and begin a life together. Becoming one!”

“idk. happiness, family, home, kids.”

“The purpose of marriage is to bind one another together in love. To help each other perfect themselves and stay on the path that will lead them to the most happiness. However, I think the main purpose of marriage is to have children and raise them up in a loving environment and teach them correct principles and prepare them for the world of tomorrow to start the same cycle. This quest will be done no better than with man and woman working side by side. Women have qualities and roles that man cannot fill. Nor can women fill the qualities and roles that men have. Hense why it's important to have one of each, a man and a woman.”

“For sex.”

“It's different for different people. Some people just want the financial benefits of marriage (joint taxes, health insurance, living wills, etc) and some people want the feel of a "cohesive family unit" when they have kids.”

“Marriage has a number of purposes. The fundamental purpose is to encourage stable family building. Human beings, in their formative stages, respond best to a situation in which there are adult role-models of each gender demonstrating warmth and affection. Marriage is also a legal contract which obligates the two parties to share their material wealth and debts , to file joint income taxes and to provide for any offspring which may result. Marriage is also one of the rites of passage in most religious traditions; the others being birth, adulthood and death. These days, marriage has become primarily an excuse to throw a party, be the centre of attention and receive gifts.”

“Mental cruelty.”

“I think the purpose of marriage is to officialize what the two of you know or feel is a solid relationship. I personally don't think marriage is necessary.”

“I believe that the purpose of marriage is to reinforce the fact that a single person is entitled to all of your love, devotion, and protection. That this person is not only your best friend, but someone who can touch your life in a way that no other could. Someone you would want to be next to even if you could not walk or speak.”

“I will not say ‘Making Love each day and night’ coz this is not the purpose of love.
The true purpose is to fulfill our needs!!!”

“I believe in the Biblical meaning of marriage.
Matthew 19:4-6 states:
"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
The passage above refers to Genesis 2:22-24
Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man." For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

And before anyone gets going on same-sex marriage, I believe that interdependent partners should all have the same legal rights (opposite-sex couples, same-sex couples, or interdependent relationships such as a person caring for an elderly parent).”

“Practically: Insurance. Superstitiously: Commitment.”

“I don't think anyone knows the answer to that!”

“Taxes? So it's ok with your church to have sex?
I guess some people want to formally say 'I love you', some one loves me. Some one loves me enough to spend money to buy me a clear rock and some yellow metal. Make themselves feel wanted. I don't know. I know that I expect my girlfriend to be faithful but we can do that without being married. Hey, I'm sorry. I'm being a hypocrite. I wear a ring.”

“To openly unify a man and woman in the eyes of god and the community.”

“To enslave men.”

“So women have a hold on a guy and can lead him around by the ring in his nose.”

“Wow. A lot of different opinions here. No wonder the government cannot make a stand on anything when it comes to two people who love each other.”

Read enough yet? Pretty comforting to know that most people, including those who cite the Bible, are merely guessing and hoping they have the right answer, huh? No, not at all... This is what happens when a “Christian” nation worships the Bible rather than the very One who created it. We are left with no further explanation in anything than “Because the Bible says so.” We lose sight of the very character and promises of God that are written down in it. And this is what happens when so many serve no God at all. We lose all purpose. We are left with only our observations and consequences to determine anything, no ideals or tangible, coherent reasons really exist. And why is it that no one bothers to ask such difficult questions? We do not think about such things because it is difficult to think about, for to think might mean we have to change our minds, and to change our minds might mean we have to change our hearts, and to change our hearts might mean we have to change our behavior, and to do all of this might mean that we would have to admit we were wrong and *gasp* admit that God is right and that we might actually NEED Him to accomplish any ideal at all.

You know what, though? Despite all evidence to the contrary, we do have hope. We do not have to follow in failure’s footsteps. Instead of following in the footsteps of our parents' generation and our own generation, let us in turn follow in the footsteps of He who has never failed at all, of He who has set and met the ideal, of He who renews our strength day by day through the power of the Spirit and whose blood has cleansed us, restored us to Him, and made us new. Let us say “I am able because God is able. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Yes, it’s true. We can actually have an ideal marriage, but not without difficulty. As G.K. Chesterton says, “The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult and left untried.” It is actually possible, but alas, we’ll go more into that in the next post…